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TPO 35Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two environmental conditions that help preserve archaeological artifacts. v.1

TPO 35Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two environmental conditions that help preserve archaeological artifacts. v. 1
When it comes to gun ownership, governments around the world adopt controversial positions. To some extent, I agree that there are undeniable benefits of owning firearms, but I would also argue that its drawbacks outweigh the benefits, and therefore, guns should be banned. There are various reasons why many people support gun ownership. Firstly, there are certain circumstances where it is nearly impossible for citizens to effectively defend themselves against attackers who are stronger and bigger than them. Guns, therefore, play a significant role in protecting the owner by scaring criminals off. This measurement could eventually act as a form of crime deterrent. Secondly, if access to guns is blocked, people’s right to enjoy activities such as hunting and gun collecting would be violated. In many states in the USA, firearm possession is currently allowed due to above reasons. On the other hand, I believe that the gun deaths epidemic could be halted if governments enact legislation to forbid civilian-owned guns. Although firearm is prominent for its efficacy in self-defence, it is also notoriously known as a tool that has been used in massacres recently. In the USA alone, a whopping 334 mass shootings have occurred in 2019, causing hundreds of deaths and thousands of injuries. Compared to Japan’s six gunshots in one year, this number seems to be extremely alarming. Besides, there is a risk of accidents involves guns, which could lead to thousands of deaths annually if gun owners are not adequately trained. In conclusion, I can understand why many individuals advocate the civil use of guns. Still, it seems to me that it is better to prohibit gun ownership as it would decrease crime and violence in society.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world adopt controversial positions. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there are undeniable benefits of owning firearms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would
also
argue that its drawbacks outweigh the benefits, and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
should
be banned
.

There are various reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership.
Firstly
, there are certain circumstances where it is
nearly
impossible for citizens to
effectively
defend themselves against attackers who are stronger and bigger than them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Guns
,
therefore
, play a significant role in protecting the owner by scaring criminals off. This measurement could
eventually
act as a form of crime deterrent.
Secondly
, if access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
is blocked
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s right to enjoy activities such as hunting and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
collecting would
be violated
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states in the USA, firearm possession is
currently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
due to above reasons.

On the other hand
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
deaths epidemic could
be halted
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
enact legislation to forbid civilian-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
. Although firearm is prominent for its efficacy in
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
, it is
also
notoriously
known as a tool that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in massacres recently. In the USA alone, a whopping 334 mass shootings have occurred in 2019, causing hundreds of deaths and thousands of injuries. Compared to Japan’s six gunshots in one year, this number seems to be
extremely
alarming.
Besides
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of accidents involves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
, which could lead to thousands of deaths
annually
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
owners are not
adequately
trained.

In conclusion
, I can understand why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals advocate the civil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guns
.
Still
, it seems to me that it is better to prohibit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gun
ownership as it would decrease crime and violence in society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 35Using points and examples from the lecture, explain two environmental conditions that help preserve archaeological artifacts. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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