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Some people like different friends. Others like similar friends. Compare the advantages of these two? Kinds of friends which kind of friend do you prefer? v.1

Some people like different friends. Others like similar friends. Compare the advantages of these two? Kinds of friends which kind of friend do you prefer? v. 1
While it is well-known a fact that the trend of living foreign nations has become a considerable part in the life of a human. At present, many individuals move to abroad with their family in order to earn the money as working. It has many disadvantages, which is outweigh to the advantages in terms of family growth. In the below paragraphs, I will examine the both pros and cons before any specific conclusion. Since the transportation system comes in life of human, they tend to travel abroad for their many purposes. First merit is that, when a person moves to another place for working with their family members, and they are able to live a long time. Because, a person always feels homesick. By contrast, if he or she has family members, there are few chances feel homesick. As well as, they are able to spend equal time with each other. However, despite the advantages behind this occur, it has many disadvantages. Firstly, the trend of this stay away from their both culture and traditions. For example, people know very well, different regions have different cultures and languages. If a person departs from their country to foreign state. He or she lives there until the getting nationality. Sometimes, they forget their culture. And they start other spot of culture. In this way, many individuals of their conventional items are hiding day by day only due to this phenomenon. In addition to it, although many people go to abroad for the better life. Before their life, they do many things from going to another state. In some cases, they have to sell their plots in order to move abroad. Where, they have to pay high levels of money in another state for a living. Such as, they burden the responsibility of their family members. They have to suffer some losses. They are not able to fulfil the needs of their family members. To conclude, even though it is good for moving to abroad earn the money, but they should not forget their state of ancient things. So I judge that, it has many disadvantages and they outweigh the advantages.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
it is well-known a fact that the trend of living foreign nations has become a considerable part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a human. At present,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in order to earn the money as working. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages, which is
Consider using a past participle here: "outweighed".
outweigh
to the advantages in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
growth. In the below paragraphs, I will examine the both pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any specific conclusion.

Since the transportation system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of human, they tend to travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes.
First
merit is that, when a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to another place for working with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, and they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a long time.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, a person always feels homesick. By contrast, if he or she has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, there are few chances feel homesick.
As well
as, they are able to spend equal time with each other.

However
, despite the advantages behind this occur, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages.
Firstly
, the trend of this stay away from their both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and traditions.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and languages.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
a person departs from their country to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
. He or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
there until the getting nationality.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. And they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
other spot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. In this way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals of their conventional items are hiding day by day
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to this phenomenon.

In addition
to it, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from going to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sell their plots in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. Where, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay high levels of money in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
for a living. Such as, they burden the responsibility of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
losses. They are not able to fulfil the needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

To conclude
,
even though
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
earn the money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should not forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
of ancient things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I judge that, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disadvantages and
they outweigh the advantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people like different friends. Others like similar friends. Compare the advantages of these two? Kinds of friends which kind of friend do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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