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Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why? v.1

Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why? v. 1
It is considered by many people that the government is losing money on the arts, while this money could be invested in a better place. I disagree because the arts are essential to preserve our cultural and historical heritage and remember us the lessons learnt. The arts can be shown in many diverse ways such as ancient structures, painting, graffiti, and pottery. The investment in re-painting graffiti on a wall is worthy and valuable of the future generations. Which must know the history behind those paintings. One of the most significant findings is the archaic Maya ruins that still stand around Mexico. This civilization has illustrated a marvellous manner of art, for instead, the painting, building into the city, which speaks about ancient habits to offer sacrifices to the deity and their worshipping. On the other hand, the memories left behind by world war II, which still remains the brutality of the human beings. As well as, the debris generated from the Kobe earthquake in 1995. Both of the them are amazing part of the art that remembers history and the value of spending capital on them. The Kobe earthquake, as well-known as Hanshin Away earthquake left thousands of casualties and two-third of the infrastructure fully collapsed. The most recalled memory is the long-span bridge of about 800 metres length was destroyed due to the strong shake and today remains within a museum in Kobe prefecture to recreate the importance of history and its preservation. In conclusion, the investment in the arts should be kept up in order to maintain our cultural and historical heritage. Therefore, I disagree with the idea of relocating this amount of fund in others scenarios.
It
is considered
by
many
people
that the
government
is losing money on the
arts
, while this money could
be invested
in a better place. I disagree
because
the
arts
are essential to preserve our cultural and historical heritage and remember us the lessons
learnt
.

The
arts
can
be shown
in
many
diverse ways such as ancient structures, painting, graffiti, and pottery. The investment in re-painting graffiti on a wall is worthy and valuable of the future generations.
Which
must
know the history behind those paintings. One of the most significant findings is the archaic Maya ruins that
still
stand around Mexico. This civilization has illustrated a
marvellous
manner of
art
, for
instead
, the painting, building into the city, which speaks about ancient habits to offer sacrifices to the deity and their
worshipping
.

On the other hand
, the memories
left
behind by
world war II
, which
still
remains the brutality of the human beings.
As well
as, the debris generated from the Kobe earthquake in 1995. Both of
the them
are amazing part of the
art
that remembers history and the value of spending capital on them. The Kobe earthquake,
as well
-known as
Hanshin
Away earthquake
left
thousands of casualties and two-third of the infrastructure
fully
collapsed. The most recalled memory is the long-span bridge of about 800
metres
length was
destroyed
due to the strong shake and
today
remains within a museum in Kobe prefecture to recreate the importance of history and its preservation.

In conclusion
, the investment in the
arts
should be
kept
up in order to maintain our cultural and historical heritage.
Therefore
, I disagree with the
idea
of relocating this amount of fund in others scenarios.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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