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Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion. v.3

Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. Give your opinion. v. 3
The prime concern currently bothering many nations is crime. Various aspects of society are being hit by unlawful acts conducted by some individuals and organizations. While some people think that there is no solution to end this, I believe judiciary systems has all the power to minimize crime. To begin with, majority of countries classify crimes in to different segments and each of it has a certain level of severity in punishment. But, I think that each crime should be considered seriously: More and more draconian punishments such as death penalty or lifetime imprisonment should be implemented. For instance, UAE already has strict laws about many misdemeanors. As a result, crime rate has come down to a negligible amount. This sets an example to many other nations for controlling crime. On the other hand, the causes of crime should be investigated and governments should take strict initiatives to prevent them during their inception. For instance, gun crime is too high in the USA and the prime reason is the easy access to armory. By making it tough to attain such weapons, many sociopaths and evil entities can be stopped from planning any life-threatening acts. Moreover, the production of ammunition should be governed and limited if needed on a regular basis. In fact, United Nations Organization must intervene in such society-benefitting initiatives. In a nutshell, I think that evil can be ceased by strictly imposing various laws and only legal system of any nation has that power. Though they may seem harsh, such activities can enhance the welfare of many communities.
The prime concern
currently
bothering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Various aspects of society are
being hit
by unlawful acts conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals and organizations. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
this, I believe judiciary systems has all the power to minimize crime.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
countries classify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
segments and each of it has a certain level of severity in punishment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be considered
seriously
: More and more
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Draconian".
draconian
punishments such as death penalty or lifetime imprisonment should
be implemented
.
For instance
, UAE already has strict laws about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
misdemeanors.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down to a negligible amount. This sets an example to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
for controlling crime.

On the other hand
, the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be investigated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take strict initiatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them during their inception.
For instance
, gun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is too high in the USA and the prime reason is the easy access to armory. By making it tough to attain such weapons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sociopaths and evil entities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
from planning any life-threatening acts.
Moreover
, the production of ammunition should
be governed
and limited if needed on a regular basis. In fact, United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
Organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
intervene in such
Possible spelling mistake found.
society-benefitting
initiatives.

In a nutshell, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that evil can
be ceased
by
strictly
imposing various laws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
legal system of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
has that power. Though they may seem harsh, such activities can enhance the welfare of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. Give your opinion. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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