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More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, a lot of schools are inviting fast-food restaurants to operate at their premises. While some people might argue that this is an acceptable practice, in this essay I will illustrate why I think that this phenomenon should not be encouraged. To begin with, it is proven that fast-food has dreadful impacts on young people’s health. Consequently, educational institutes should help to limit the consumption of these kinds of food rather than encouraging children and juveniles to consume more of it. On the contrary, selling fast-food inside schools would make these meals easier to acquire for youngsters. Hence, this practice would lead to an increase in consumption of these products, which will lead to a setback in students’ wellbeing. For example, a recent Cambridge study concluded that, students who attend schools which have fast-food restaurants inside them scored significantly less in fitness tests than students who attended schools which did not allow such kinds of restaurants to operate at their premises. Another issue, is the fact that these kinds of restaurants highlight the economic differences between students. Although these restaurants are not considered to be expensive for adults, they are somewhat overpriced for some school students. This means that, some students would not be able to buy from these restaurants, which might make them feel uncomfortable amongst their peers or might force them pressure their parents for extra allowances. For example, I remember being psychologically pressured to participate in some school activities when I was a child only because I did not want my peers to think that I could not afford them. In conclusion, I think that allowing fast-food restaurants to operate inside schools is an unpleasant development. This is because of the negative effects these restaurants have on children’s wellbeing, in addition to putting economical pressure on poorer students and their families. In my opinion, schools should present healthy meals for reasonable prices at their premises.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are inviting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
to operate at their premises. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might argue that this is an acceptable practice, in this essay I will illustrate why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this phenomenon should not
be encouraged
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it
is proven
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food has dreadful impacts on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health.
Consequently
, educational institutes should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to limit the consumption of these kinds of food
rather
than encouraging children and juveniles to consume more of it.
On the contrary
, selling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food inside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these meals easier to acquire for youngsters.
Hence
, this practice would lead to an increase in consumption of these products, which will lead to a setback in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.
For example
, a recent Cambridge study concluded that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
inside them scored
significantly
less in fitness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who attended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
to operate at their premises.

Another issue, is the fact that these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
highlight the economic differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
are not considered to be expensive for adults, they are somewhat overpriced for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This means that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel uncomfortable amongst their peers or might force them pressure their parents for extra allowances.
For example
, I remember being
psychologically
pressured to participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
activities when I was a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not want my peers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I could not afford them.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that allowing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
to operate inside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is an unpleasant development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
have on children’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
,
in addition
to putting economical pressure on poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their families. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should present healthy meals for reasonable prices at their premises.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay More and more schools allow fast-food restaurants to sell their products to their students. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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