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Some people feel unsafe when they are in public and at home. What are the possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v.2

Some people feel unsafe when they are in public and at home. What are the possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 2
It is a fundamental right of a human being to make decisions about his life. Nowadays, our governments tend to interfere in our daily lives more than ever before. We are not even free to choose what we eat and drink. Since some people choose unhealthy foods, some individuals argue that government should impose higher taxes on foods that are not good for health. I strongly believe that it is a fundamental right of human beings to choose what they want to eat. It is a proven fact, that fast foods are one of the causes of cardiovascular diseases in many countries. The high amount of fats and carbohydrates increases the cholesterol level in the blood, which can lead to obesity, heart attack and high blood pressure. When it comes to the solution, some people would argue that, implementation of higher taxes on fast food might solve the problem. What about the people who like fast food and they have no disease at all? To protect some people, we cannot take away a privilege from a large group of people. On the other hand, instead of imposing higher taxes on food, government should provide more money to the health care system, so people can be treated well. Having said that, it is also a fundamental right of a person to decide about his or her health. In today's world, there is enough awareness about the healthy and unhealthy foods. Some people want to enjoy their choice of food, even if they are sick, and it is their right. Government should not implement higher taxes on people’s choices. On the other hand, we are not sure to what extent junk foods are the cause of multiple diseases. In the name of health issue, the government should not attack on people’s rights. In conclusion, fast food is a cause of some diseases, but all the people who eat fatty foods are not sick. It is also a right of a person to choose what they want to eat. So, government should not impose taxes on what people want to eat.
It is a fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of a human being to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about his life. Nowadays, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
tend to interfere in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. We are not even free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
and drink. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I
strongly
believe that it is a fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of human beings to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to eat.

It is a proven fact, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are one of the causes of cardiovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. The high amount of fats and carbohydrates increases the cholesterol level in the blood, which can lead to obesity, heart attack and high blood pressure. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that, implementation of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
might solve the problem. What about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
at all? To protect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we cannot take away a privilege from a large group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
On the other hand
,
instead
of imposing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide more money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be treated
well.

Having said that, it is
also
a fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of a person to decide about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
awareness about the healthy and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to enjoy their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, even if they are sick, and it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should not implement higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choices.
On the other hand
, we are not sure to what extent junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are the cause of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. In the name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not attack on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
rights.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not sick. It is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of a person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not impose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people feel unsafe when they are in public and at home. What are the possible causes of this and what are some possible solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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