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Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment? v.1

Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment? v. 1
The argument of whether to explore space by allocating massive amounts of funds from the state and private sector or not has a long history. Some people argue that the search in space should be low prioritised and should concentrate on other relevant fields. It is surely a better investment if the funds can be utilised in a positive manner to provide the required facilities to the public rather than using for space exploration. Undoubtedly, space exploration has its own merits. The technological advancements which observed in recent past years are mainly due to the experiments carried out as a result of space exploration. In addition to that, the search for biological evidence, and the possibility of cultivation of plants will certainly benefit the entire humankind if this gets to succeed. Nevertheless, there are more important areas that the government should be focusing on developing rather than space travel. Firstly, the attention to improve the health sector should be increased, and more experiments should be carried out to defeat cancers and other dangerous illnesses. Secondly, the education sector and transportation should be improved to develop the economy. Furthermore, the allocation of resources for experiments in agriculture should be increased while reducing harmful fertilisers which directly contributes to cancers when consumed regularly. Every one should target for a world where all the species should have enough healthy food for consumption by eliminating hunger. In conclusion, I believe that it is indeed true that space exploration is not essential at this moment as there are more other areas which need to be focused on the betterment of humanity. Hence, improving other sectors such as health, education and agriculture undoubtedly will assist everyone positively.
The argument of whether to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
by allocating massive amounts of funds from the state and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
or not has a long history.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the search in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
should be low
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
and should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
relevant fields. It is
surely
a better investment if the funds can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
manner to provide the required facilities to the public
rather
than using for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits. The technological advancements which observed in recent past years are
mainly
due to the experiments carried out
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration.
In addition
to that, the search for biological evidence, and the possibility of cultivation of plants will
certainly
benefit the entire humankind if this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to succeed.

Nevertheless
, there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
areas that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be focusing on developing
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
travel.
Firstly
, the attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
should
be increased
, and more experiments should
be carried
out to defeat cancers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
illnesses.
Secondly
, the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and transportation should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to develop the economy.

Furthermore
, the allocation of resources for experiments in agriculture should
be increased
while reducing harmful
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
which
directly
contributes to cancers when consumed
regularly
. Every one should target for a world where all the species should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
healthy food for consumption by eliminating hunger.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is
indeed
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is not essential at this moment as there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas which need to
be focused
on the betterment of humanity.
Hence
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as health, education and agriculture
undoubtedly
will assist everyone
positively
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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