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Some people feel that sports are necessary to a college education because they teach teamwork and other valuable skills. Others feel that sports are waste of Money in college because athletes don’t learn anything useful. What do you think? v.1

Some people feel that sports are necessary to a college education because they teach teamwork and other valuable skills. Others feel that sports are waste of Money in college because athletes don’t learn anything useful. What do you think? v. 1
In the modern era, the media is an integral part of our life because it provides the information about the whole world. Some folks believe that the media have the right to broadcast the confidential life of the people but others are against it. This essay will discuss both prospects in the following paragraphs. To begin with, some people think that the media are entitled to uncover human’s private life. There are two advantages for this purpose. Firstly, it reveals there would be no censored information in the media like newspaper, television and the internet. However, the sense of freedom will be increased among the citizens. That is how the trust appears in the society. Secondly, this will have an effect on the improvement of the community behaviour. Juveniles are looking for the imitation from the celebrities. For instance, many directors and producers tend into making variety genres of movies, concerning prominent and reputable persons. On the other hand, claiming the coverage of the personal lives by the media has both merits and drawbacks. A different kind of social damages would be prohibited. As a result, the cyber criminals might be controlled. For instance, frauds that are related to identification thievery and bank robberies, that is why such these crimes will possibly be prevented. A negative idea is that, the number of the false rumours will be raised. Journalists certainly write news on their own benefits. That is because the community would be impressed by Economical and political gossips that stimulate the people’s interest. In conclusion, many people experience conflicts over the media showcase. I believe the media have the right to publicize the personal lives of individuals because it motivates some people. However, others think it ought to be censored.
In the modern era, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is an integral part of our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides the information about the whole world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have the right to broadcast the confidential life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others are against it. This essay will discuss both prospects in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are entitled
to uncover human’s private life. There are two advantages for this purpose.
Firstly
, it reveals there would be no censored information in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like newspaper, television and the internet.
However
, the sense of freedom will
be increased
among the citizens.
That is
how the trust appears in the society.
Secondly
, this will have an effect on the improvement of the community
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Juveniles are looking for the imitation from the celebrities.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
directors and producers tend into making variety genres of movies, concerning prominent and reputable persons.

On the other hand
, claiming the coverage of the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has both merits and drawbacks. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of social damages would
be prohibited
.
As a result
, the cyber criminals might
be controlled
.
For instance
, frauds that
are related
to identification thievery and bank robberies,
that is
why such these crimes will
possibly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that, the number of the false
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
will
be raised
. Journalists
certainly
write news on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the community would
be impressed
by Economical and political gossips that stimulate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experience conflicts over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
showcase. I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have the right to publicize the personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it motivates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it ought to
be censored
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that sports are necessary to a college education because they teach teamwork and other valuable skills. Others feel that sports are waste of Money in college because athletes don’t learn anything useful. What do you think? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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