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Some people feel that sports are necessary to a college education because they teach teamwork and other valuable skills. Others feel that sports are waste of Money in college because athletes don’t learn anything useful. What do you think? v.2

Some people feel that sports are necessary to a college education because they teach teamwork and other valuable skills. Others feel that sports are waste of Money in college because athletes don’t learn anything useful. What do you think? v. 2
Sport is always beneficial for people especially in college ages. Altough it consumes time and money, the advantageous of it appears sharply. Thus, instead of spend my college time without sport, I prefer to do it as it provides me to bank on my mates, it teachs me to keep my ambition and sport supplies a strong and healhty body. Initially, sport is divided into two types such as team sports and individual sports. A person member of a team, experience the team work throughout the process. Since being a member of a team provides team work, the member learns to count on the person sharing same team. Moreover, it supplies self confidence while doing the work that the team expect to be done by him as the member responsibles to complete it. By challenging with these rivals, the member improve his skills and create stunning influence on himself. Therefore, this provides him a successful life by mirroring it to life style. For instance, one of my friends in my high school, has commenced to play handball. Altough he was worse than many other students in terms of grades and economical convenience, he was hired by national handball team and made money. In addition to that he proved scholarship and additional grade while joining university. Moreover, I strongly believe that doing sport keep emotion high and force the person doing sport to be ambitious. By having a dense ambition, working hard and desire for success comes through. The person interested in a sport, may use these ambition fort he other perspectives and areas of life. Therefore, ambition supplied from sport, becomes beneficial and useful for life. For example, in my education life, I have a lot to do. So that, I am supposed to carry out and focus on my tasks. However, I commence to lose my motivation after a while. Since doing sport keeps my motivation high, I share my 1 or 2 hours of day to doing sport. Therefore, I feel myself ready for next steps. Finally, indeed most significantly, it is well believed that sport provides a healhty body. Nevertheless, health can goes on with sport but it can not be bought by money. Therefore, the statement of that sport is waste of money is totally abysmal and wrong. A person going on with sport, keeps him health strong. On the whole, instead of thinking sport as a consumer of sources, we are supposed to rely on it and keep doing it. Since it provides to adapt team work, create ambition and supplies healthy body, we can have benefits by doing it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is always beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
in college ages.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Altough
it consumes time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
The phrase 'the advantageous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the advantageous of
it appears
sharply
.
Thus
,
instead
of spend my college time without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, I prefer to do it as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
me to bank on my mates, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
teachs
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
supplies a strong and
Possible spelling mistake found.
healhty
body.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is divided
into two types such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
throughout the process. Since being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
learns to count on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
sharing same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
Moreover
, it supplies
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
be done
by him as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibles
to complete it. By challenging with these rivals, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and create stunning influence on himself.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
him a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by mirroring it to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style.
For instance
, one of my friends in my high school, has commenced to play handball.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Altough
he was worse than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other students in terms of grades and economical convenience, he
was hired
by national handball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In addition
to that he proved scholarship and additional grade while joining university.

Moreover
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
emotion high and force the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to be ambitious. By having a dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and desire for success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
through. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
interested in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
Did you mean "for the"?
fort he
other perspectives and areas of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
supplied from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, becomes beneficial and useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, in my education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, I have a lot to do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, I
am supposed
to carry out and focus on my tasks.
However
, I commence to lose my motivation after a while. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
my motivation high, I share my 1 or 2 hours of day to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, I feel myself ready for
next
steps.

Finally
,
indeed
most
significantly
, it is well believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
healhty
body.
Nevertheless
, health can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
goes
on with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, the statement of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
totally
abysmal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
going on with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
him health strong.

On the whole
,
instead
of thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a consumer of sources, we
are supposed
to rely on it and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
it. Since it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
to adapt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ambition
and supplies healthy body, we can have benefits by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
it.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
75Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that sports are necessary to a college education because they teach teamwork and other valuable skills. Others feel that sports are waste of Money in college because athletes don’t learn anything useful. What do you think? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
435 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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