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People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc. ). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? v.9

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc. ). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? v. 9
People all over the world are increasingly enrolled in universities as the demand for a more educated workforce arises. In my opinion, I believe that people attend colleges for three main reasons, to improve their career prospects, to gain new knowledge on subjects that they are interested in and to pursue a specialised career path that requires an academic degree. With the rapid development of our modern society, it is difficult for one to secure a high paying job without having a university qualification these days. Although there are exceptions to this rule, the safer route for most of us would be to pursue a higher learning, thereby enhancing our career prospects. For people who would like to work white collared jobs, going to an institution of higher education will be the only way that will bring them towards their goal. Having said that, some blue collared jobs do require college education nowadays as well, hence directing the population into university. The second reason for people enrolling in higher educational institutions is that some people are passionate about learning more about the subject that they love, and college provides a conducive environment for them to do so. For instance, furthering one’s studies in subjects like theology and biology is only possible in college. Lastly, in careers like medicine, dentistry and law, being a graduate is the minimum requirement into these jobs. For people who aspire for such occupations, going to university is a must, as doing so will equip them with the necessary knowledge and skills in order to perform the role well. To summarise, people go to varsities to enhance their employability into white collared jobs, further their studies on subjects that they are interested in and meeting the minimum requirements for specialized positions like medicine and law. These developments are positive for our society as a whole and governments and universities adjust their offers accordingly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
all over the world are
increasingly
enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
as the demand for a more educated workforce arises. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend colleges for three main reasons, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
prospects, to gain new knowledge on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
are interested
in and to pursue a
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path that requires an academic degree.

With the rapid development of our modern society, it is difficult for one to secure a high paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
qualification these days. Although there are exceptions to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, the safer route for most of us would be to pursue a higher learning, thereby enhancing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
prospects. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who would like to work white collared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, going to an institution of higher education will be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way that will bring them towards their goal. Having said that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
blue collared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
do require college education nowadays
as well
,
hence
directing the population into university.

The second reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enrolling in higher educational institutions is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are passionate about learning more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, and college provides a conducive environment for them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
For instance
, furthering one’s studies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like theology and biology is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible in college.

Lastly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
like medicine, dentistry and law, being a graduate is the minimum requirement into these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who aspire for such occupations, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, as doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will equip them with the necessary knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to perform the role well.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to varsities to enhance their employability into white collared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
further
their studies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that they
are interested
in and meeting the minimum requirements for
Do not mix variants of the same word ('specialized' and 'specialised') within a single text.
specialized
positions like medicine and law. These developments are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for our society as a whole and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
adjust their offers
accordingly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc. ). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities? v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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