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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money Do you agree or disagree Which other types of job should be highly paid The answer is a sample not written by myself The goal is to compare the sco v.1

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money Which other types of job should be highly paid The answer is a sample not written by myself The goal is to compare the sco v. 1
Social networking websites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram have become an important part of our everyday life. However, it is argued that these sites have a devastating effect on the community and the individuals. I strongly agree with the thought that social websites have a profound negative effect. To begin with, social networking sites have started hurting relationships. In the present world, people spend a lot of time online. Hence, they do not have time to visit their friends or relatives. As a result, relationships have become shallow.  For example, in the earlier days, individuals used to have get-togethers at least once a month, but nowadays most of the people do not even know many of their relatives. Consequently, there are no close helpful relationships in this era. Addiction is another drawback of social networks which leads to failure in almost every field. Most of the people waste hours in front of computers or mobile phones chatting and posting on Facebook and Twitter and thus they fail to pay attention to their work. For instance, students do not perform their best in the exams or fail because they spend more time online instead of studying. As a result, social networking sites hinder the progress of the individual and also of the society. In conclusion, although Facebook and such sites are beneficial to some extent, I strongly agree with the argument that they have more detrimental effect on both the local community and the people. It is hoped that users will realize this and learn to use such platforms more judiciously.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking websites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram have become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our everyday life.
However
, it
is argued
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have a devastating effect on the community and the individuals. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites have a profound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
hurting relationships. In the present world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time online.
Hence
, they do not have time to visit their friends or relatives.
As a result
, relationships have become shallow.  
For example
, in the earlier days, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-togethers at least once a month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of their relatives.
Consequently
, there are no close helpful relationships in this era.

Addiction is another drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks which leads to failure in almost every field. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste hours in front of computers or mobile phones chatting and posting on Facebook and Twitter and
thus
they fail to pay attention to their work.
For instance
, students do not perform their best in the exams or fail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend more time online
instead
of studying.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
hinder the progress of the individual and
also
of the society.

In conclusion
, although Facebook and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are beneficial to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that they have more detrimental effect on both the local community and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is hoped
that users will realize this and learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such platforms more
judiciously
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money Which other types of job should be highly paid The answer is a sample not written by myself The goal is to compare the sco v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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