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For many shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others People however in the past mostly visited those when necessary To what extent do you think this is a negative trend v.2

For many shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others People however in the past mostly visited those when necessary 2
It is irrefutable that food is the most essential thing human's need. Many people believe that higher taxes on unhealthy food would encourage people to eat healthy. I tend to disagree with this mindset, as it would not make much of a difference, since, unhealthy food is cheap and easily available. Also, division of different segments of food is out of scope. First and foremost, increasing tax on junk food won't make much of a change as they are easily available and are cheap. In this fast paced life individual look for food that is easy to grab and eat, to fulfil their appetite. For example, a burger from any of the retail chain cost lest than $5 (taxes included). In contrast, a salad cost $10. This provides clear idea why there is such a huge demand for fast food and why it would be childish to believe that increasing taxes would force people to eat healthy. In addition to that, it is difficult to create a category between healthy and unhealthy food, as every person has different food requirement. Authorities will only be able to increase prices of ingredients, as food products are one's recipes and some of them are patented. For example, many fast food chains, patent different type of pizza's and burger's, in order to have a monopoly and can have an edge among other competitors. As a result, they create their customer base on that and if taxes are increased on those products, it will be a violation of patent rights. As a consequence, the government might end up paying a lot more than what they have collected as taxes. To sum up, increasing taxes on some of the food items will not help government to raise awareness. In my opinions, it is better to consider active options and increase awareness among students by organising sports and doing community activities to make people healthy.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the most essential thing human's need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat healthy. I tend to disagree with this mindset, as it would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much of a difference, since, unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and
easily
available.
Also
, division of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
segments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is out of scope.

First
and foremost, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as they are
easily
available and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life individual look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
easy to grab and eat, to fulfil their appetite.
For example
, a burger from any of the retail chain cost
Use "(lest)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
lest
than $5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(taxes
included).
In contrast
, a salad cost $10. This provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
why there is such a huge demand for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and why it would be childish to believe that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
would force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat healthy.

In addition
to that, it is difficult to create a category between healthy and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, as every person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
requirement. Authorities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to increase prices of ingredients, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products are one's recipes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
are patented
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains, patent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of pizza's and burger's, in order to have a monopoly and can have an edge among other competitors.
As a result
, they create their customer base on that and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
are increased
on those products, it will be a violation of patent rights. As a consequence, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up paying a lot more than what they have collected as taxes.

To sum up, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to raise awareness. In my opinions, it is better to consider active options and increase awareness among students by
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
sports and doing community activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay For many shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others People however in the past mostly visited those when necessary 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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