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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.8

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 8
Entertainment is very important in day to day life and it plays an immense role in society as well. There are many people who believe that actors or actresses are getting very high amount of money for their work. I totally agree with the argument that they should get more money because they makes our life more happier by doing their work. Firstly, celebrity role is to perform various tasks to impress the audience and for that they put their all the effort so that they can create such an impactful performance on the screen and which can mostly loved by the people. To become an entertainer or other music star, it requires lots of training as well as capable of doing such task effectively. After becoming a popular and successful personality, they get fame and love by the surrounding and as a reward they get well paid. For an instance, One movie can make almost 4-5 Cr, and that is because of the half job is done by the leading role of male or female. On the other hand, there are many other jobs which accounts for good salaries such as producers, computer designer who develops certain visual effect to the non-fiction series and make them more real into the movie industry. As well as writers, who puts their innovative ideas and thought through tv and in result, it gives so much smile to the individual who lives in society. Each and every person needs certain appreciation as a result of rewards and by paying a high wege is one of the methods to payback of their hard work. To conclude, entertainment helps people in all the situation such as good or bad, it helps to lighten up the mood. I totally agree that music star or pop star should get well paid.
Entertainment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in day to day life and it plays an immense role in society as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that actors or actresses are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high amount of money for their work. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "make"
makes
our life
Use only "happier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more happier
by doing their work.

Firstly
, celebrity role is to perform various tasks to impress the audience and for that they put their all the effort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can create such an impactful performance on the screen and which can
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. To become an entertainer or other music star, it requires lots of training as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as capable of doing such task
effectively
. After becoming a popular and successful personality, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fame and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
by the surrounding and as a reward they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
paid. For an instance, One movie can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
almost 4-5 Cr, and
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the half job
is done
by the leading role of male or female.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other jobs which accounts for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries such as producers, computer designer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
develops certain visual effect to the non-fiction series and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more real into the movie industry. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as writers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
puts their innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
through
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and in result, it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much smile to the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in society. Each and every person needs certain appreciation
as a result
of rewards and by paying a high
Possible spelling mistake found.
wege
is one of the methods to payback of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

To conclude
, entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in all the situation such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to lighten up the mood. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that music star or pop star should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
paid.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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