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Some people feel that education should be provided exclusively by the state and private education should be prohibited. v.6

Some people feel that education should be provided exclusively by the state and private education should be prohibited. v. 6
Provision of education by the state is a norm in many developed nations and its significance cannot be stressed enough. Many private setups are expanding their foothold of taking over the task these days. As many are of the view that it is the sole responsibility of the government to impart educational services, I strongly agree with them and opine that private education should be banned. Opponents of this belief put forth that negating the private sector from setting up schools, colleges and universities would deprive many of getting the necessary education and this is a violation of their rights. It is the parental judgement that can best serve as a guide as to which teaching system tailors for their child's needs and abilities. It is also the case that every year majority of school drop outs and sick leaves are attributed to unclean drinking water and squalid conditions in state-funded educational spots, making privately organised educational institutes safer to acquire knowledge. Supporters of private education do not bear in mind that not everyone can afford the sky-high fee offered by private organisations. Additionally, the huge amount of taxes we pay annually obviates the need for the government to contribute in investing in the realm of education. When a government ensures education for all, the syllabus used in schools would be same all over the country and that would ensure a better education system for all. Hence it is imperative that putting a lid on the private educational counterpart fuels the survival of the individual and the society, thereby further advocating my stance of government funding the system of education.
Provision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by the state is a norm in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed nations and its significance cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
setups are expanding their foothold of taking over the task these days. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are of the view that it is the sole responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
services, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them and opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be banned
.

Opponents of this belief put forth that negating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector from setting up schools, colleges and universities would deprive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of getting the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and this is a violation of their rights. It is the parental judgement that can best serve as a guide as to which teaching system tailors for their child's needs and abilities. It is
also
the case that every year majority of school
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
drop outs
and sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
are attributed
to unclean drinking water and squalid conditions in state-funded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
spots, making
privately
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutes safer to acquire knowledge.

Supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
do not bear in mind that not everyone can afford the sky-high fee offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
Additionally
, the huge amount of taxes we pay
annually
obviates the need for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to contribute in investing in the realm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ensures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all, the syllabus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in schools would be same all over the country and that would ensure a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system for all.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is imperative that putting a lid on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
counterpart fuels the survival of the individual and the society, thereby
further
advocating my stance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding the system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some people feel that education should be provided exclusively by the state and private education should be prohibited. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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