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some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sum of money that are out of proportion to the importance of work that they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement and what's your opinion. v.6

some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sum of money that are out of proportion to the importance of work that they do. with the above statement and what's your opinion. v. 6
There is no doubt that entertainment and multinational company professionals are earning enormous in comparison with workers like nurses, doctors and teachers and as per trends the difference in earnings is going to ballooned in coming years as well. In my opinion, professionals in health and teaching occupation should be paid more or at par with respect to film actors or company bosses as doctors help to build a healthy community and teachers help in developing the nation. Firstly, earning a doctorate degree is not an easy task, it involves a couple of years hard work and dedication in the study. If these professionals are not paid well, which will lead to dissatisfaction among them, due to which they will not perform their work with full dedication. On the other hand, if they are rewarded well, they will perform respective work with enthusiasm which in turn help in building a healthy society. Secondly, education professionals are those who can build the nations if they pass correct and valuable education and knowledge to their country’s youth. If they are not satisfied with their earnings, which can hinder the country's progress. If a profession is not rewarding, it will lead to shortage of workforce of those professionals, which can harshly impact the nation’s growth. Therefore, it's necessary to maintain an equilibrium among all professions. To conclude, professionals like nurses, doctor and teacher should be on the top of highly paid professions category to make the citizens healthy and students knowledgeable. Therefore, it's necessary to pay more to the professionals like nurses, doctors and teacher in comparison with film actors and company's bosses.
There is no doubt that entertainment and multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
enormous
in comparison
with workers like nurses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and as per trends the difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
is going to
'Going to' requires the base form: "balloon"
ballooned
in coming years
as well
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in health and teaching occupation should
be paid
more or at par with respect to film actors or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
bosses as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a healthy community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing the nation.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
a doctorate degree is not an easy task, it involves a couple of years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication in the study. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are not paid well, which will lead to dissatisfaction among them, due to which they will not perform their work with full dedication.
On the other hand
, if they
are rewarded
well, they will perform respective work with enthusiasm which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building a healthy society.

Secondly
, education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are those who can build the nations if they pass correct and valuable education and knowledge to their country’s youth. If they are not satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
, which can hinder the country's progress. If a profession is not rewarding, it will lead to shortage of workforce of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, which can
harshly
impact the nation’s growth.
Therefore
, it's necessary to maintain an equilibrium among all professions.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like nurses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
should be on the top of
highly
paid professions category to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the citizens healthy and students knowledgeable.
Therefore
, it's necessary to pay more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like nurses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in comparison
with film actors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's bosses.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sum of money that are out of proportion to the importance of work that they do. with the above statement and what's your opinion. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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