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Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of our lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.1

Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of our lives. 1
Some would argue that humans, these days, are being controlled by technology, while others say that advancements in technology has greatly benefited humankind. Although recent developments in science and technology has adversely affected the employment rate, I believe it has helped people form new acquaintances. On the one hand, incorporation of electronic equipment, be it robots or advanced machinery, have severely impacted the job vacancies. Having got the state of the art production or testing machines the need to have manual operations- unlike the past- is becoming redundant practice. As a result, many job aspirants- despite having potential skills- are left unemployed and existing jobs are also jeopardised. This automation can usher in continuous production without halting, barring occasional services, has provided an opportunity to employees to make their workplace automated- replacing the workforce by machines. The layoff 2000 employees at Maruti Suzuki's production plant in Gurugram by the introduction of robots bears testimony to this. On the other hand, modern gadgets are assisting people to strengthen their family bonds and form new ones. These gizmos help to contact not only their immediate family members, but also to become friends with new people. The Internet, for instance, has transformed the whole world into a global village and individuals and now are exploring new people and broadening the horizons of knowledge about the culture of other people. This transformation has eradicated the previously existed biases on the basis of caste or religion making countries multicultural. In conclusion, while modern technology breakthroughs handmade many people jobless and threatened the existing jobs, it is certain that these developments are assisting people to socialize.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that humans, these days, are
being controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, while others say that advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
greatly
benefited humankind. Although recent developments in science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the employment rate, I believe it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
acquaintances.

On the one hand, incorporation of electronic equipment, be it robots or advanced machinery, have
severely
impacted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
production or testing machines the need to have manual operations- unlike the past- is becoming redundant practice.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
aspirants- despite having potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
- are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unemployed and existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardised' is British English.
jeopardised
. This automation can usher in continuous production without halting, barring occasional services, has provided an opportunity to employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their workplace automated- replacing the workforce by machines. The layoff 2000 employees at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maruti
Suzuki's production plant in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gurugram
by the introduction of robots bears testimony to this.

On the other hand
, modern gadgets are assisting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to strengthen their family bonds and form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones. These gizmos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to contact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their immediate family members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to become friends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The Internet,
for instance
, has transformed the whole world into a global village and individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and broadening the horizons of knowledge about the culture of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This transformation has eradicated the previously existed biases on the basis of caste or religion making countries multicultural.

In conclusion
, while modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
breakthroughs handmade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
jobless and threatened the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it is certain that these developments are assisting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to socialize.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of our lives. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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