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Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live. v. 1
While some people think that technology is tightly controlling our lives, others argue that there are many of positive developments of technical devices. In my opinion, I totally agree that humankind has given plenty of conveniences from technology. On the one hand, people are lacking physical activities to do work in comparison with manual work in the past, this situation is responsible for unhealthy lifestyles. For example, some people just need to stay at one place to do many jobs at the same time such as watching a video on youtube simultaneously with sending messages on Facebook and booking a meal on a food application. These things lead to obesity, cardiovascular and bones problems. Furthermore, people are being exposed to private information by hackers on social media. For instance, a bank account ID of someone could be stolen and used for negative purposes. On the other hand, the human has got plenty of conveniences from technical devices. Thanks to social media, people can improve their lives on many issues. For example, people can get in touch easily and save time effectively with modern programmes such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Moreover, with new inventions such as space ships, computers and smart devices, which are supporting the human to discover more about our universe and explain mysterious natural phenomena or do our work effectively. In conclusion, although technology has some negative impacts, I believe that human beings have already received a large amount of usefulness from this to expand our knowledge. In addition, we should apply them wisely and effectively in the future.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that technology is
tightly
controlling our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, others argue that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
developments of technical devices. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that humankind has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of conveniences from technology.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lacking physical activities to do work
in comparison
with manual work in the past, this situation is responsible for unhealthy lifestyles.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to stay at one place to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs at the same time such as watching a video on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
simultaneously
with sending messages on Facebook and booking a meal on a food application. These things lead to obesity, cardiovascular and bones problems.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being exposed
to private information by hackers on social media.
For instance
, a bank account ID of someone could
be stolen
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
purposes.

On the other hand
, the human has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of conveniences from technical devices. Thanks to social media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch
easily
and save time
effectively
with modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Moreover
, with new inventions such as space ships, computers and smart devices, which are supporting the human to discover more about our universe and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
mysterious natural phenomena or do our work
effectively
.

In conclusion
, although technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, I believe that human beings have already received a large amount of usefulness from this to expand our knowledge.
In addition
, we should apply them
wisely
and
effectively
in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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