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People say that it is impossible for women to be an effective women and to be a good mother in home at the same time. They also suggest that the government should give the salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. v.1

People say that it is impossible for women to be an effective women and to be a good mother in home at the same time. They also suggest that the government should give the salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. v. 1
In school, children should take all the opportunities as they can get, to know more people and learn from them, even if they have different backgrounds or have other abilities that they don’t have. Not all of the kids come from the same place, have similar past experiences or have the same customs. And should this be considered a bad thing? Not at all. Although this should be something that parents should support and inspire their kids to do so. We should see this has an opportunity for students in school to learn with each other, share experiences and knowledge, so that they can grow as a human being. Additionally, children with a wide range of abilities can also add a lot of opportunities to others. They can share new things with others and strive students to learn more. For example, when there is a student that knows how to play music and the others never heard about that, they instantly have a new chance to learn and get in touch with something that weren’t familiar with. This is how we can start from the beginning to be more knowledgeable about the world and can define ourselves with what we like or not. To conclude, since when we were a child until we pass away, we should always be in touch with different people as we grow as a person. Besides this, everything starts when we are children so keep this in mind that we should always look to support this since the beginning.
In school, children should take all the opportunities as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, to know more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from them, even if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds or have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
abilities that they don’t have.

Not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the same place, have similar
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
or have the same customs. And should this
be considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing? Not at all. Although this should be something that parents should support and inspire their kids to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this has an opportunity for students in school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, share experiences and knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can grow as a human being.

Additionally
, children with a wide range of abilities can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities to others. They can share new things with others and strive students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more.
For example
, when there is a student that knows how to play music and the others never heard about that, they
instantly
have a new chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with something that weren’t familiar with. This is how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from the beginning to be more knowledgeable about the world and can define ourselves with what we like or not.

To conclude
, since when we were a child until we pass away, we should always be in touch with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as we grow as a person.
Besides
this, everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
when we are children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this in mind that we should always look to support this since the beginning.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People say that it is impossible for women to be an effective women and to be a good mother in home at the same time. They also suggest that the government should give the salary to mothers who stay at home to take care of their children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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