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The number of students studying science at university is constantly declining. What do you think are the causes? What effects will this have on our society? v.2

The number of students studying science at university is constantly declining. What do you think are the causes? What effects will this have on our society? v. 2
In the modern world, many individuals are concerned about the number of students, who are studying science at university, because their number is constantly decreasing. Consequently, this tendency has many negative consequences on the society. To begin with, the main cause of this problem is the salary of researchers and scientists. It is widely accepted that the students, who are studying science at university, will receive fixed salary from the government or private organizations, when they graduate. In this reason, in many cases, their wage is not enough for running their livelihood. To illustrate, many professors and academics are keen to work in the evenings in order to earn extra money. Furthermore, science is not popular in the modern world. It is true that many school students are not willing to apply in scientific professions, because these subjects are not considered as a prestigious profession. For example, many applicants chose economics or law, because they have gained popularity among youngsters. On the other hand, this trend has many negative effects on the society. Firstly, the level of education and literacy can be declined. It is clear that if these standards are decreased, it can affect the economy, because human capital is essential for the economic prosperity of the country. For instance, many countries, such as Japan, are developing, because of their scientific achievements, innovations and other breakthroughs. Secondly, it can affect the job market. It is widely known that if the students do not apply for science, this sphere can lose many employees. As a result, many scientific projects can be closed. A good illustration of this is the Stolkovo project in Russia. Nowadays, this project remains unfinished, because of the lack of science workers. In conclusion, although many individuals tend to think that the number of science students cannot affect the economic prosperity, others feel that this tendency has many negative effects, such as the declining level of education and possible job redundant of science workers.
In the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
are concerned
about the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
at university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their number is
constantly
decreasing.
Consequently
, this tendency has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main cause of this problem is the salary of researchers and scientists. It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
at university, will receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
salary from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or private organizations, when they graduate. In this reason, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, their wage is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for running their livelihood. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professors and academics are keen to work in the evenings in order to earn extra money.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is not popular in the modern world. It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not willing to apply in scientific professions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these subjects are not considered as a prestigious profession.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
applicants chose economics or law,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have gained popularity among youngsters.

On the other hand
, this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the society.
Firstly
, the level of education and literacy can
be declined
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that if these standards
are decreased
, it can affect the economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human capital is essential for the economic prosperity of the country.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, such as Japan, are developing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their scientific achievements, innovations and other breakthroughs.
Secondly
, it can affect the job market. It is
widely
known that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, this sphere can lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientific projects can
be closed
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stolkovo
project in Russia. Nowadays, this project remains unfinished,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
workers.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot affect the economic prosperity, others feel that this tendency has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, such as the declining level of education and possible job redundant of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
workers.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of students studying science at university is constantly declining. What do you think are the causes? What effects will this have on our society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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