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In many countries around the world life expectancy is increasing Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion v.1

In many countries around the world life expectancy is increasing Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion v. 1
Compare than past decades, In the modern era lot of unbelievable development in technology. Now, little bit decreased the traditional skills. It's a debatable issue. I personally agree on this point, because a lot of the traditional skills are now gone away. Firstly, I want to tell about my country traditional skills. My country is India. Also lots of traditional skills cultivated by my ancestors. But now everything hid. The reason is people immigrate to the city and for the survival of their own professional jobs. So nowadays countryside not live the much people. Basically, these traditional skills are countryside people are followed. I won't say city side people not following this. Somebody following these kinds of things. Compare than past decades, previously people send a message to another area people used writing a letter. It will be reached in the destination in four to five days. But now totally changed this method and using a mobile phone via text a message and reached immediately. Not only this, Also most of the traditional skills are dying out. Especially a lot of the village events and culture are changing now. On the other hand, we need to recover this traditional skills. Because our ancestors have followed this and they lived the healthy life. And our new generation child's should teach this skills. Nowadays we are watching every this kind of skills in movies and television programs only, not in love. But our generations will find this via the Internet only, at that time they won't follow this traditional skills. In Conclusion, Effective way to find out this traditional skills and keep this activity to import the education system. From childhood onwards will follow this culture, they will be very familiar with a future. Apart from this, every parent should learn these things to teach their child's. Keep the better dialects and enjoy more in this of traditional skills and continue to learn also future people.
Compare than past decades, In the modern era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of unbelievable development in technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Now
,
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
decreased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. It's a debatable issue. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
gone away.

Firstly
, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about my country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. My country is India.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
cultivated by my ancestors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
everything hid. The reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrate to the city and for the survival of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
professional jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
nowadays countryside not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Basically
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are followed
. I won't say city side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not following this. Somebody following these kinds of things.

Compare than past decades, previously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message to another area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
writing a letter. It will
be reached
in the destination in four to five days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
this method and using a mobile phone via text a message and reached immediately. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
Also
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are dying out.
Especially
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of the village
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and culture are changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the other hand
, we need to recover this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
our ancestors have followed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
the healthy life. And our new generation child's should teach
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Nowadays we are watching every this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in movies and television programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, not in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our generations will find this via the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, at that time they won't follow this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In Conclusion
, Effective way to find out this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
this activity to import the education system. From childhood onwards will follow this culture, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
familiar with a future. Apart from this, every parent should learn these things to teach their child's.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Keep
the better dialects and enjoy more in this of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and continue to learn
also
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world life expectancy is increasing Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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