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Financial education should be a mandatory subject in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Financial education should be a mandatory subject in school. v. 1
There are a lot of mandatory units in a school curriculum, such as Mathematics, English, Science, and other common subjects. Financial education is a kind of literacy program that is not included in the conventional syllabus but should be compulsory as early as secondary school. I totally agree with this because we as individuals should be financially independent and are knowledgeable on how to handle are money responsibly. In this essay, I will discuss why it is important to include this subject on our curriculum. Financial education is a broad subject; it teaches proper management of our income, how to prepare for our future, and how to choose the right investment based on our needs. Because of these, it is imperative that it is taught in our schools. First reason for this is that once we stopped receiving financial help from our parents or received our own salary, we tend to treat ourselves lavishly without thinking of how much we' re spending or if we have anything left. One example is buying the latest cellphone that we can' t afford even though the one we are using is still useable, which may put us in debt. Being financially literate could prevent us from doing such things. Second, if we are trained properly on this subject, we know how to properly budget our money. we may keep the 20% as emergency fund, 10% as tithe, 15% for bills, or any division of our wage accordingly. Third, we' ll be properly informed of different investments that may help us in the future, namely healthcare, life plans, and educational plans for our children. In conclusion, I believed that it is vital that we are educated on this subject as early as we were taught on subject like science. I further admit that it is more easier than science.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mandatory units in a school curriculum, such as Mathematics, English, Science, and other common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Financial education is a kind of literacy program
that is
not included in the conventional syllabus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be compulsory as early as secondary school. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we as individuals should be
financially
independent and are knowledgeable on how to handle are money
responsibly
. In this essay, I will discuss why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to include this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
on our curriculum.

Financial education is a broad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
; it teaches proper management of our income, how to prepare for our future, and how to choose the right investment based on our needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these, it is imperative that it
is taught
in our schools.
First
reason for this is that once we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
receiving financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from our parents or received our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
salary, we tend to treat ourselves
lavishly
without thinking of how much
Possible spelling mistake found.
we&
#039; re spending or if we have anything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
. One example is buying the latest cellphone that we
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t afford
even though
the one we are using is
still
useable, which may put us in debt. Being
financially
literate could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
us from doing such things. Second, if we
are trained
properly
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, we know how to
properly
budget our money.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the 20% as emergency fund, 10% as tithe, 15% for bills, or any division of our wage
accordingly
. Third,
Possible spelling mistake found.
we&
#039; ll be
properly
informed of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
investments that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us in the future,
namely
healthcare, life plans, and educational plans for our children.

In conclusion
, I believed that it is vital that we
are educated
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
as early as we
were taught
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like science. I
further
admit that it is
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
than science.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Financial education should be a mandatory subject in school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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