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Some people think sports are important to society. Others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give opinion. v.2

Some people think sports are important to society. Others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 2
People have different views on the importance of sports. While some people argued that sport is merely a recreational activity for humanity, I personally believe that it plays a vital role in reducing the costs of healthcare services since playing sports helps enhance public health. On the one hand, it is understandable that sports can count as a leisure activity because not everyone can become professional sports players. To be successful in sports career, the sportsmen need to have innate talents and great perseverance, but the fact is that not everyone is so lucky to be endowed with these traits. Take football, the King of sports, as an example; although millions of people around the world choose playing soccer as their permanent job, there are merely some of them having superb athleticism to become football legends, such as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Therefore, sports are simply considered as activities for people to relax their mind and body during holidays. On the other hand, I tend to opine that society can reap financial benefits from sports activities when the population becomes healthier. With the convenience of modern technology, more people are leading to a sedentary lifestyle, which negatively affects people’s health and causes many serious diseases. In other words, the government will have to allocate a larger budget on healthcare systems to take care of their unhealthy citizens. However, if the population is encouraged to do just simple sports, people will certainly become more physically active, which can help them relieve stresses and tensions, and minimize the risk of suffering from many disorders. As a result, spending on public healthcare services will decrease significantly when the population is healthy. All things considered, although sports are enjoyed mostly for recreational purposes, they still benefit society due to their contribution in saving national budgets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
merely
a recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for humanity, I
personally
believe that it plays a vital role in reducing the costs of healthcare services since playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
enhance public health.

On the one hand, it is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can count as a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not everyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players. To be successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
career, the sportsmen need to have innate talents and great perseverance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the fact is that not everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
lucky to
be endowed
with these traits. Take football, the King of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, as an example; although millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world choose playing soccer as their permanent job, there are
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them having superb athleticism to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
football legends, such as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
simply
considered as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax their mind and body during holidays.

On the other hand
, I tend to opine that society can reap financial benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
when the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
healthier. With the convenience of modern technology, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are leading to a sedentary lifestyle, which
negatively
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious diseases.
In other words
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
allocate a larger budget on healthcare systems to take care of their unhealthy citizens.
However
, if the population
is encouraged
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
certainly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more
physically
active, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and tensions, and minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of suffering from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disorders.
As a result
, spending on public healthcare services will decrease
significantly
when the population is healthy.

All things considered, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are enjoyed
mostly
for recreational purposes, they
still
benefit society due to their contribution in saving national budgets.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think sports are important to society. Others say that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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