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Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying a product (such as a cell phone) or service (e. g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying a product (such as a cell phone) or service (e. g. medical treatment). v. 1
A question which many of us have to ask ourselves is whether the quality of products is really worthwhile for the amount of valuable money from our pocket. On one hand, I am inclined to believe that as an individual gains momentary knowledge and gradually begins to truly understand the basic concept of finance, he will make better decisions in terms of spending habits. On the other hand, hardly can we deny the downside effects still last until we know how to deal with product prices. To assess the crucial advantage of being knowledgeable of the value of money, we must bring the skillsets of personal finance into focus. Assuming a person was educated eminently about how to purchase intellectually, he would be better and be able to manage to avoid the struggle of lacking money. Not only can he sharpen the financial management skill but he will also escape away from wasting money on broken-down products. In addition, that person can develop a good shopping habit without hesitating whether the special product is indispensable or not. Another important angle that is commonly ignored is the price absolutely displays the social status of buyers. Although so far, one can readily draw the conclusion that consideration of the bill is critical, we must put this case into perspective before judging whether it is a minor problem or not. Living in modern society and having a lot of problematic matters to solve, we appear to be silly or juvenile to suppose that we do need to comprehend the number of money we have to pay for and become extremely tired of it. For instance, since virtually every retailer shops or malls have commanded their product prices and sustain margins, we do not have to be anxious about that matter anymore. On top of that, always having customer care policy from companies or government organizations to support buyers whenever they are stuck to cope with receiving faulty devices or being tricked to buy something over its price. Taking both sides into consideration, they point me to the conclusion that in principle, being aware of the important value of money can be useful for everyday life aspects, but in practical, people do not have to focus on it anymore.
A question which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask ourselves is whether the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
really
worthwhile for the amount of valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from our pocket. On one hand, I
am inclined
to believe that as an individual gains momentary knowledge and
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to
truly
understand the basic concept of finance, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions in terms of spending habits.
On the other hand
, hardly can we deny the downside effects
still
last until we know how to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
prices.

To assess the crucial advantage of being knowledgeable of the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
bring the
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillsets
of personal finance into focus. Assuming a person
was educated
eminently
about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
intellectually
, he would be better and be able to manage to avoid the struggle of lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can he sharpen the financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he will
also
escape away from wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on broken-down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
In addition
, that person can develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shopping habit without hesitating whether the special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is indispensable or not. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
angle
that is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
is the price
absolutely
displays the social status of buyers.

Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, one can
readily
draw the conclusion that consideration of the bill is critical, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
put this case into perspective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
judging whether it is a minor problem or not. Living in modern society and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problematic matters to solve, we appear to be silly or juvenile to suppose that we do need to comprehend the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for and become
The extreme adjective for tired is "exhausted".
extremely tired
of it.
For instance
, since
virtually
every retailer shops or malls have commanded their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
prices and sustain margins, we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be anxious about that matter anymore.
On top of that
, always having customer care policy from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations to support buyers whenever they
are stuck
to cope with receiving faulty devices or
being tricked
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something over its price.

Taking both sides into consideration, they point me to the conclusion that in principle, being aware of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be useful for everyday life aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in practical,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on it anymore.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people consider price as the most important thing to think about when buying a product (such as a cell phone) or service (e. g. medical treatment). v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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