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Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. v.1

Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. v. 1
In the era of technological advancement and globalization, it is not a challenge for anyone to gain the recognition of supporting elderly people. People have different views in an opinion that administrators should not support finance for or take care of the elderly and retired people because preparing for retirement is the responsibility for themselves. From my perspective, I totally disagree that elderly people should not receive any support from the state, but people should save money for their retirement. In this following essay, we will take this discussion into consideration. Initially, people should be received support from governments when they retired as they had paid taxes throughout their lives, so that they have to take some of the money back when they need. For example, in Vietnam, retired people receive a pension which is not too much, but enough for paying a necessity of lives such as eating and wearing. However, people should have savings and relatives who can take care of them when they became old. The children must be already to look after their elderly parents who are feeble and easily sick. Nonetheless, powers cannot deny their roles to care for elderly residents. In conclusion, authorities take duty to provide senior dwellers with financial side and their children have some responsibilities about morale side. For me, the combination of two elements is the best solution to care for old people.
In the era of technological advancement and globalization, it is not a challenge for anyone to gain the recognition of supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views in an opinion that administrators should not support finance for or take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
preparing for retirement is the responsibility for themselves. From my perspective, I
totally
disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not receive any support from the state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should save money for their retirement. In this following essay, we will take this discussion into consideration.

Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be received
support from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
when they retired as they had paid taxes throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
money back when they need.
For example
, in Vietnam, retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive a pension which is not too much,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for paying a necessity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
such as eating and wearing.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have savings and relatives who can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them when they became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. The children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be already to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
parents who are feeble and
easily
sick. Nonetheless, powers cannot deny their roles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
residents.

In conclusion
, authorities take duty to provide senior dwellers with financial side and their children have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibilities about morale side. For me, the combination of two elements is the best solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should not provide care or financial support for elderly people because it is the responsibility of each person to prepare for retirement and support him or herself. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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