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Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? v.5

Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? v. 5
Many believe that computer technology has immensely helped the human race to progress, but others are convinced that it has more drawbacks than benefits. This essay examines how could computers be deemed an impediment. Many people are addicted to computers and the Internet and they have no social and personal life. Without a computer, many people believe that they cannot work or continue their study. For example, some people who work in the blue collar environment cannot work when the Intenet connection is interrupted. This over-reliance could bring catastrophic results, especially in sensitive sectors. A simple mistake in an atomic energy research centre can destroy million of lives. Moreover, it is undeniable that overuse of computers has health hazards. One of the examples is the solar radiation from the computer screen, which damages our eyesight. It has been reported that the number of people who wear glasses has increased significantly since the invention of computer technology. Computers have negative effects on the way people socialise and interact with each other. With the invention of portable computers, tablets and smartphones, people remain busy with their own devices. They use the Internet all day long in their room and scarcely take part in outdoor activities. Consequently, people's overall health condition is deteriorating and their social relationship is becoming fragile. In conclusion, although some people think that the computer technology has brought a lot of benefits for mankind, others think that it has more negative sides. Some of the reasons for this view are because of people's overreliance on the technology and negative effects on our health and social life as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the human race to progress,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
are convinced
that it has more drawbacks than benefits. This essay examines how could computers
be deemed
an impediment.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
to computers and the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Internet and
they have no social and personal life. Without a computer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they cannot work or continue their study.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work in the blue collar environment cannot work when the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Intenet
connection
is interrupted
. This over-reliance could bring catastrophic results,
especially
in sensitive sectors. A simple mistake in an atomic energy research
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Moreover
, it is undeniable that overuse of computers has health hazards. One of the examples is the solar radiation from the computer screen, which damages our eyesight. It has
been reported
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who wear glasses has increased
significantly
since the invention of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and interact with each other. With the invention of portable computers, tablets and smartphones,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet all day long in their room and
scarcely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in outdoor activities.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
overall
health condition is deteriorating and their social relationship is becoming fragile.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for mankind, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
reasons for this view are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake found.
overreliance
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on our health and social life
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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