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These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. v.3

These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. v. 3
The world has never witnessed such a great influx of population in cities from rural areas that it did in the last decade. Cities are already over-populated, polluted and cramped with an overwhelming number of people. Only decentralisation and mandatory relocation can reverse the scenario. To begin with, only 20 percent of the world population lived in cities at the beginning of the 20th century while this has already escalated to over 80%. This over-population in cities increases the crime rate, contribute to environmental pollution, decline the life-standard, increase competition and make healthy living a dream. The traffic congestion is a direct result of rural depopulation and housing problem in cities are getting worse day by day. According to a recent study, the lifestyle of cities is declining faster with the dramatic increase of its population. To stop people from moving to metropolitan areas the government has to adopt decentralisation policy. If enough facilities and employment opportunities are created in the rural areas, people would not move to cities, at least this could be hoped. The underlying reason people move to a big city is to have a better job and better facilities. To reverse the trend the government has to start big projects to empower the rural people and forcibly move many factories and facilities to nearby countrysides. Education, treatment and entertainment facilities in cities attract many rural people and the only way to stop this influx of people is to add those facilities to countrysides. In conclusion, cities become less suitable for living with the inflow of rural people who come to have a better life but eventually face more problems. Decentralisation could be a very effective solution to shift this concerning trend.
The world has never witnessed such a great influx of population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas that it did in the last decade.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
are already over-populated, polluted and cramped with an overwhelming number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
Possible spelling mistake. 'decentralisation' is British English.
decentralisation
and mandatory relocation can reverse the scenario.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20 percent of the world population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
at the beginning of the 20th century while this has already escalated to over 80%. This over-population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
increases the crime rate, contribute to environmental pollution, decline the life-standard, increase competition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy living a dream. The traffic congestion is a direct result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
depopulation and housing problem in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are getting worse day by day. According to a recent study, the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is declining faster with the dramatic increase of its population.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from moving to metropolitan areas the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
adopt
Possible spelling mistake. 'decentralisation' is British English.
decentralisation
policy. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities and employment opportunities
are created
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, at least this could
be hoped
. The underlying reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city is to have a better job and better facilities. To reverse the trend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
projects to empower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
forcibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories and facilities to nearby countrysides. Education, treatment and entertainment facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this influx of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
those facilities to countrysides.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
become less suitable for living with the inflow of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to have a better life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
eventually
face more problems.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Decentralisation' is British English.
Decentralisation
could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective solution to shift this concerning trend.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay These days, it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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