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Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? v.4

Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? v. 4
Computers are extensively used these days both in personal and corporate needs. This including banks, hospital, schools, research labs, retail shops, space stations, personal use and so on. People have different views about the benefits and drawbacks of computers. But I would like to examine how could computers be considered an impediment followed by a reasonable conclusion. To initiate with, using computers all the time in childhood is counteractive because children can lose their creativity this way. Moreover, a child who is dependent on a computer, do not learn manual calculation and uses tools for spelling and grammatical error correction. Apart from that, the health hazards that overuse of computers causes cannot be overlooked. Next, hacking is very common these days and individual's bank account, email, and websites are compromised very often only to add more misery. Digitalisation and security holes are serious concerns about people’s privacy and safety. Furthermore, some people are addicted to computers and the Internet, and they are less interested in social and outdoor activities. That is why China often arrange boot camp training for computer and internet addicted persons. This is undeniable that computers can be a hindrance for many. In addition to this, the national security of any country could be compromised due to the over-reliance on computers. For instance, “Garry McKinnon” who was accused in March 2002 perpetrating the biggest military computer hack of all time, hacked the server of “The Pentagon” and learned about the secret of defense department of the USA. Finally, with the use of computers and the Internet, interaction with family and friends has become less personal these days than it used to be. To conclude, I would like to say that, every technology has both positive and negative sides. It depends on the individuals whether the use of computers would be positive or negative.
Computers are
extensively
used
these days both in personal and corporate needs. This including banks, hospital, schools, research labs, retail shops, space stations, personal
use
and
so
on.
People
have
different
views about the benefits and drawbacks of computers.
But
I would like to examine how could computers
be considered
an impediment followed by a reasonable conclusion.

To initiate with, using computers all the time in childhood is counteractive
because
children can lose their creativity this way.
Moreover
, a child who is dependent on a computer, do not learn manual calculation and
uses
tools for spelling and grammatical error correction. Apart from that, the health hazards that overuse of computers causes cannot
be overlooked
.
Next
, hacking is
very
common these days and individual's bank account, email, and websites
are compromised
very
often
only
to
add
more misery.
Digitalisation
and security holes are serious concerns about
people
’s privacy and safety.
Furthermore
,
some
people
are addicted
to computers and the Internet, and they are less interested in social and outdoor activities.
That is
why China
often
arrange boot camp training for computer and internet addicted persons. This is undeniable that computers can be a hindrance for
many
.

In addition
to this, the national security of any country could
be compromised
due to the over-reliance on computers.
For instance
, “Garry
McKinnon
” who
was accused
in March 2002 perpetrating the biggest military computer hack of all time, hacked the server of “The Pentagon” and learned about the secret of defense department of the USA.
Finally
, with the
use
of computers and the Internet, interaction with family and friends has become less personal these days than it
used
to be.

To conclude
, I would like to say that, every technology has both
positive
and
negative
sides. It depends on the individuals whether the
use
of computers would be
positive
or
negative
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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