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some people claims that people eat in many western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. critics says that these countries should change their diet. v.2

some people claims that people eat in many western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. critics says that these countries should change their diet. v. 2
A number of individuals believe that dwellers from western countries consume food that is harmful for their health. According to critics they need to change their nutrition. In my opinion, an unhealthy diet represents a major problem for people because it leads to obesity and others disease. It is well-known that processed food and especially fast food is the biggest cause why people are overweight. Nowadays more than one third of the population in western countries suffer from obesity due to eating junk food. They prefer this kind of food because is easy to consume and they can save time to do other things. For instance, employees spend a lot of time at work and when they get home they are too tired to cook healthy food. Most of the time they will order processed food and this will lead to obesity eventually. Unfortunately overweight is not the worst case scenario when it comes to fast food consume. There are many dangerous disease that can appear from eating a large amount of junk food, such as heart attacks and liver damage. The possibility is higher in societies from the west due to the fact that people there eat fast food on a day-to-day basis. Nowadays, as more and more fast foods are build worldwide, the diet of humankind is getting worse and these problems will affect everybody. To conclude, unhealthy food can causes obesity and serious disease but most of the people chose to eat this kind of food because it easy to consume. Without a doubt healthy food needs to be promoted in every country and people need to realize that the consequences of eating junk food are severe.
A number of individuals believe that dwellers from western countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that is
harmful for their health. According to critics they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their nutrition. In my opinion, an unhealthy diet represents a major problem for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it leads to obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
disease.

It is well-known that processed
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food
and
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the biggest cause why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are overweight. Nowadays more than one third of the population in western countries suffer from obesity due to eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. They prefer this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is easy to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
consume and
they can save time to do other things.
For instance
, employees spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time at work and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home they are too tired to cook healthy
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food
. Most of the time they will order processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and this will lead to obesity
eventually
.

Unfortunately overweight is not the worst case scenario when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
disease that can appear from eating a large amount of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as heart attacks and liver damage. The possibility is higher in societies from the west due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on a day-to-day basis. Nowadays, as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are build worldwide, the diet of humankind is getting worse and these problems will affect everybody.

To conclude
, unhealthy
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food
can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "cause"
causes
obesity and serious disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to eat this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consume
. Without a doubt healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
needs to
be promoted
in every country and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to realize that the consequences of eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are severe.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay some people claims that people eat in many western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. critics says that these countries should change their diet. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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