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some people claims that people eat in many western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. critics says that these countries should change their diet. v.1

some people claims that people eat in many western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. critics says that these countries should change their diet. v. 1
It is true that new technologies have had an influence on communication between people. Technology has affected relationships in various ways, and in my opinion, there are both positive and negative effects. Technology has had an impact on relationships in business, education and social life. Firstly, telephones and the Internet allow business people in different countries to interact without ever meeting each other. Secondly, services like Skype create new possibilities for relationships between students and teachers. For example, a student can now take video lessons with a teacher in a different city or country. Finally, many people use social networks, like Facebook, to make new friends and find people who share common interests, and they interact through their computers rather than face to face. On the one hand, these developments can be extremely positive. Cooperation between people in different countries was much more difficult when communication was limited to written letters or telegrams. Nowadays, interactions by email, phone or video are almost as good as face-to-face meetings, and many of us benefit from these interactions, either in work or social contexts. On the other hand, the availability of new communication technologies can also have the result of isolating people and discouraging real interaction. For example, many young people choose to make friends online rather than mixing with their peers in the real world, and these ‘virtual’ relationships are a poor substitute for real friendships. In conclusion, technology has certainly revolutionized communication between people, but not all of the outcomes of this revolution have been positive.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have had an influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
in various ways, and in my opinion, there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

Technology has had an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
in business, education and social life.
Firstly
, telephones and the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries to interact without ever meeting each other.
Secondly
, services like Skype create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
possibilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
between students and teachers.
For example
, a student can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
take video lessons with a teacher in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city or country.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social networks, like Facebook, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share common interests, and they interact through their computers
rather
than face to face.

On the one hand, these developments can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
. Cooperation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries was much more difficult when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
was limited
to written letters or telegrams. Nowadays, interactions by email, phone or video are almost as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as face-to-face meetings, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us benefit from these interactions, either in work or social contexts.
On the other hand
, the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
can
also
have the result of isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and discouraging real interaction.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends online
rather
than mixing with their peers in the real world, and these ‘virtual’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
are a poor substitute for real friendships.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
certainly
revolutionized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
outcomes of this revolution have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay some people claims that people eat in many western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. critics says that these countries should change their diet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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