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Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v.4

Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v. 4
It is believed that the quality of the food that are served in western countries are getting worse these days, as well as the people's dietary pattern. Many people think that these western countries should change their diets into a healthier one, and the following essay will discuss it in details. For a number of reasons, the foods that are consumed by western people are considered as unhealthy nowadays. Firstly, it is because most of the crops that are produced in western countries are using chemical fertilisers, such as pesticide or urea. Farmers are using these chemical ingredients to ensure that their crops are productive and resistant to pests. Many people do not notice that these items could have a serious effect on their health. Secondly, many western people prefer to purchase processed meats these days, because these canned foods have a longer expiry date. These foods are using some kind of additives that could trigger cancer or tumour. Many people also believe that the dietary pattern of the western people is getting worse these days. As people get busier, they have lesser time to prepare healthy food. As a consequence, they prefer to purchase instant foods such as Mc Donald or Kentucky fried Chicken, which contain high cholesterol ingredients. And then, most of them have a habit of consuming soda and liquor. They do not realise that these beverages contain a high portion of sugar which is dangerous for the human's body. In my opinion, I do agree that many western people are consuming unhealthy food and have a bad dietary pattern, though some of them choose to be more selective. I think the government should provide some solutions to resolve the issue. One of them might be by giving some rewards and incentives to farmers who choose to plant organic foods. Then, the government should also set some standards for fast food restaurants, to ensure that the food that served by them are healthy and safe.
It
is believed
that the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
are served
in western countries are getting worse these days,
as well
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's dietary pattern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these western countries should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their diets into a healthier one, and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

For a number of reasons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that
are consumed
by western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
as unhealthy nowadays.
Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the crops that
are produced
in western countries are using chemical
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
, such as pesticide or urea. Farmers are using these chemical ingredients to ensure that their crops are productive and resistant to pests.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not notice that these items could have a serious effect on their health.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
processed meats these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have a longer expiry date. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of additives that could trigger cancer or
Possible spelling mistake. 'tumour' is British English.
tumour
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
believe that the dietary pattern of the western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is getting worse these days. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
busier, they have lesser time to prepare healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. As a consequence, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc
Donald or Kentucky fried Chicken, which contain high cholesterol ingredients. And then, most of them have a habit of consuming soda and liquor. They do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that these beverages contain a high portion of sugar which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the human's body.

In my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are consuming unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
dietary pattern, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them choose to be more selective. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to resolve the issue. One of them might be by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rewards and incentives to farmers who choose to plant organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Then, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
standards for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants, to ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that served by them are healthy and safe.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that what many people eat in western countries is unhealthy food and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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