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Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 1
It is true that history plays an important role in the school curriculum. While I agree that students should be taught local history, I also believe that it is necessary for them to learn world history. On the one hand, there are several reasons why children reap enormous benefits of learning local history. Firstly, local history provides identity for children. This means that students know their roots and development of their country throughout history lessons. Learning local history affords children opportunity to know who they are, where they come from, why they are different from other groups of people and values passed on from generations to generations. Secondly, history lessons instill patriotism into children. When students are taught about events that happened in their country in the past, they are likely to know devotions and sacrifices from ancestors to fight intruders. In this way, schoolchildren can pay homage to previous generations and feel love for their country. On the other hand, it is wrong to reject the argument in favor of learning world history. The reason is that world history lessons helps students knowledgeable and tolerant. Throughout world history lessons, children learn things and events that happened outside their country’s border, such as the suffering of black people in the slave trade. Schoolchildren can have different perspectives, thus contributes to a well-round education. In addition, world history helps students to have a deeper insight into the country’s history. As major events happened in the world in conjunction with one another, a change in one country could effect change in other countries. In this way, children are likely to understand more about their country. In conclusion, it is ludicrous to compare local history with world history because they are equally important.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the school curriculum. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, I
also
believe that it is necessary for them to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
history.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reap enormous benefits of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
provides identity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know their roots and development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
. Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
affords
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
opportunity to know who they are, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from, why they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from other groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and values passed on from generations to generations.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
instill patriotism into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are taught
about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that happened in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the past, they are likely to know devotions and sacrifices from ancestors to fight intruders. In this way, schoolchildren can pay homage to previous generations and feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for their country.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to reject the argument in favor of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
knowledgeable and tolerant. Throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that happened outside their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
border, such as the suffering of black
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the slave trade. Schoolchildren can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives,
thus
contributes to a well-round education.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a deeper insight into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. As major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happened in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in conjunction with one another, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to understand more about their country.

In conclusion
, it is ludicrous to compare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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