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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 6
There are some people argue that public museums and art galleries will not be necessary anymore since people are able to find historical artefacts and artworks on the Internet. Personally, I totally disagree with this statement because of the rationales following. First of all, the worth mentioning here is that historical objects and paintings that can be seen on a computer cannot provide the public with a real feeling, for they are just in digital format without details. To illustrate, if people come to an exhibit, they can not only observe all of the special aspects of works of art, but can also appreciate and understand the message that the author wants to convey to the audience. Moreover, the information on the Internet about historical items and artistic creations is sometimes false such as some pictures have the wrong name or the artist, which creates a real disadvantage for the knowledge of humans. To avoid the situation, the effective way is that individuals should visit museums or galleries to find the information they need as these destinations will provide them the most reliable sources. Besides, these locations create a calm atmosphere that helps everyone to escape from the pressure of life. To clarify, enjoying art is a form of recreation because people can refresh their minds in a peaceful environment. Finally, museums and art exhibitions can be used to give education. For example, they are favourable areas for students to come and find the facts needed, which do not exist on the Internet, for their assignments. Take The War Remnant Museum in Ho Chi Minh City as an example. Lots of history lovers and historians arrive at this museum to conduct research about the war. Some of them say that they are capable of comprehending the impact of it brought to Vietnamese via numerous real samples, documents and exhibits as well as the hardships that they had to face during the period, which cannot be found on the Internet. In conclusion, due to the benefits that public museums and art galleries offer, I believe that they are not likely to suffer from disappearance in the future.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries will not be necessary anymore since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to find historical
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and artworks on the Internet.
Personally
, I
totally
disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rationales following.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the worth mentioning here is that historical objects and paintings that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on a computer cannot provide the public with a real feeling, for they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in digital format without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
. To illustrate, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an exhibit, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
observe
Consider using "all the".
all of the
special aspects of works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
appreciate and understand the message that the author wants to convey to the audience.
Moreover
, the information on the Internet about historical items and artistic creations is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
false such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pictures have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
name or the artist, which creates a real disadvantage for the knowledge of humans. To avoid the situation, the effective way is that individuals should visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or galleries to find the information they need as these destinations will provide them the most reliable sources.

Besides
, these locations create a calm atmosphere that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
everyone to escape from the pressure of life. To clarify, enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a form of recreation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can refresh their minds in a peaceful environment.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibitions can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give education.
For example
, they are
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
areas for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and find the facts needed, which do not exist on the Internet, for their assignments. Take The War Remnant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in Ho Chi Minh City as an example. Lots of history lovers and historians arrive at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to conduct research about the war.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them say that they are capable of comprehending the impact of it brought to Vietnamese via numerous real samples, documents and exhibits
as well
as the hardships that they had to face during the period, which cannot
be found
on the Internet.

In conclusion
, due to the benefits that public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries offer, I believe that they are not likely to suffer from disappearance in the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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