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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries are not needed because people can see historical objects and works of art using a computer Do you agree with this opinion v.2

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries are not needed because people can see historical objects and works of art using a computer Do you agree with this opinion v. 2
People are calling into question the usefulness of having museums. While some advocate the idea that the museums and art galleries are essential for visiting historical objects, others dismiss them as it can be seen on computers. Admittedly, I believe that the elimination of these places would have serious repercussions for the society owing to a number of compelling reasons. To being with, the most rational justification is that these places are also a place for gathering more information. In other words, there are not only for keeping the historical objects but also a place to get more unique information about art works. That is to say, there are a lot of experts who dedicate their lives learning and studying these works, and by talking to them, ones can gain more knowledge about the artworks. The more people visiting these places and discussing about arts with experts, the more they learn. This in turn would have a far-reaching positive impact on society as individuals are likely to have more respect for artworks and artist as a whole. Yet another compelling argument against watching these objects and works through computers is the nature of some artworks and historical objects. To put it differently, being unique and special, some artworks and historical objects cannot be seen on the screen. That is, by only seeing it in person, individuals will realize the uniqueness of that piece of work. Take the last supper paint as an example; if people only can see this through the screen, they cannot realize the details of this work or how hard would it be to drawn a piece of art in large format size. To sum up, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to be drawn is that the elimination of museums and galleries can easily take its toll on society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are calling into question the usefulness of having museums. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the museums and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries are essential for visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
, others dismiss them as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on computers.
Admittedly
, I believe that the elimination of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
would have serious repercussions for the society owing to a number of compelling reasons.

To
Did you mean "begin"?
being
with, the most rational justification is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for gathering more information.
In other words
, there are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more unique information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works.
That is
to say, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experts who dedicate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
learning and studying these works, and by talking to them, ones can gain more knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and discussing about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
with experts, the more they learn. This in turn would have a far-reaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society as individuals are likely to have more respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
and artist as a whole.

Yet
another compelling argument against watching these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and works through computers is the nature of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
. To put it
differently
, being unique and special,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the screen.
That is
, by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seeing it in person, individuals will realize the uniqueness of that piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Take the last supper paint as an example; if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this through the screen, they cannot realize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
would it be
Did you mean "to draw"?
to drawn
a piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in large format size.

To sum up, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to
be drawn
is that the elimination of museums and galleries can
easily
take its toll on society.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries are not needed because people can see historical objects and works of art using a computer Do you agree with this opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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