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All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects? v.1

All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects? v. 1
Globally, the worldwide percentage of obese individuals is rapidly increasing. Major reason's for this are firstly, the adoption of a sedentary lifestyle and secondly, unhealthy food choices. However, these obstacles can be overcome by many solutions. To begin with, a high BMI is due to unhealthy lifestyle trends in the 21 st century. With busy everyday lives, we gravitate towards easy lunch and dinner options such as, fast food and microwaveable meals, which are high in sugar and fat content. To illustrate, a study conducted by the American obesity society found that fast food industry market has tripled since the year 2000. Moreover, people do not find the time to include exercise in their everyday lives. This is because exercise is key in burning fats and building muscle which in turn reduces your total body fat percentage. This lack of exercise combined with unhealthy eating is a recipe for disaster. The aftermath's of obesity are countless. The biggest one is that it leads to massive health deterioration, through the interactions occuring through our bodies physiology, specfically, the negative interaction of fat and cells. For example, overweight people are 70% more likely to develop diseases such as heart failure, hypertension and diabetes, the leading causes for death worldwide. This causes early morbidity in younger individuals. Furthermore, person's with body mass index higher than 30 result in massive losses to the healthcare system every year. Due to the liability of their diseases, millions of dollars are spent each year on their medication. For example, a study by the NHS in 2018, found that 50% of hospital beds each year were occupied by over weight indivisuals. In conclusion, awareness and implementation of healthy food options, as well as, more vigorous global exercise schemes will help in solving the issue of the rise worldwide fat rates. Consequently, preventing the consequences that arise such as increased morbidity rates.
Globally, the worldwide percentage of obese individuals is
rapidly
increasing. Major reason's for this are
firstly
, the adoption of a sedentary lifestyle and
secondly
, unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices.
However
, these obstacles can
be overcome
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a high BMI is due to unhealthy lifestyle trends in the
Did you mean "21st"?
21 st
century. With busy everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, we gravitate towards easy lunch and dinner options such as,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and microwaveable meals, which are high in sugar and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
content. To illustrate, a study conducted by the American obesity society found that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry market has tripled since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not find the time to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their everyday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is key in burning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
and building muscle which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
your total body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
percentage. This lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
combined with unhealthy eating is a recipe for disaster.

The aftermath's of obesity are countless. The biggest one is that it leads to massive health deterioration, through the interactions
Possible spelling mistake found.
occuring
through our bodies physiology,
Possible spelling mistake found.
specfically
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
interaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and cells.
For example
, overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are 70% more likely to develop diseases such as heart failure, hypertension and diabetes, the leading causes for death worldwide. This causes early morbidity in younger individuals.
Furthermore
, person's with body mass index higher than 30 result in massive losses to the healthcare system every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Due to the liability of their diseases, millions of dollars
are spent
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
on their medication.
For example
, a study by the NHS in 2018, found that 50% of hospital beds each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
were occupied
by over weight
Possible spelling mistake found.
indivisuals
.

In conclusion
, awareness and implementation of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
options,
as well
as, more vigorous global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
schemes will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in solving the issue of the rise worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
rates.
Consequently
, preventing the consequences that arise such as increased morbidity rates.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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