Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

6. Most adults believe that modern children (5-10 years old) behave worse than those in the past. What action parents should take do you think will have the most positive effect on children to help them behave better like respecting and treating others kin v.1

6. Most adults believe that modern children (5-10 years old) behave worse than those in the past. What action parents should take do you think will have the most positive effect on children to help them behave better like respecting and treating others kin v. 1
It is argued that public libraries are unnecessary, as their function can be carried out by digital technology. In my opinion, I disagree with this because there are several function libraries do that electronic technology cannot do, and they are more secure. There are numerous tasks that public libraries are used for that they would be otherwise impossible using digital technology. Firstly, libraries store several items that modern technology cannot store. For example, many artefacts and sculptures are stored physically in libraries, because it is impossible to store them electronically. If governments close public libraries, then many of these valuable items will be lost. Moreover, most public libraries host exhibitions and conferences. As many would agree that expecting such events to be carried out digitally is unrealistic. Therefore, public libraries carry out several tasks that cannot be done using digital technology. Furthermore, replacing libraries with digital technology could lead to the disappearance of historical books and novels. This is because technology is susceptible to failure, and if they got damaged, we might lose all information. For example, while many books can be found online, most of them have an original physical versions in public libraries, so that if we lose the one stored online, we have the main one in the library. Therefore, storing books in libraries is a safe way to ensure that they do not get lost. In conclusion, public libraries have an important role to play in securing valuable items and are arguably more secure than digital technology. Thus, I believe that they should be maintained.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are unnecessary, as their function can
be carried
out by digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. In my opinion, I disagree with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are several function libraries do that electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
cannot do, and they are more secure.

There are numerous tasks that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for that they would be
otherwise
impossible using digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Firstly
, libraries store several items that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
cannot store.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and sculptures
are stored
physically
in libraries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is impossible to store them
electronically
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries, then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these valuable items will
be lost
.
Moreover
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries host exhibitions and conferences.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that expecting such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to
be carried
out
digitally
is unrealistic.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries carry out several tasks that cannot
be done
using digital technology.

Furthermore
, replacing libraries with digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
could lead to the disappearance of historical books and novels. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is susceptible to failure, and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
damaged, we might lose all information.
For example
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
books can
be found
online, most of them have an original physical versions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that if we lose the one stored online, we have the main one in the library.
Therefore
, storing books in libraries is a safe way to ensure that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
libraries have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to play in securing valuable items and are
arguably
more secure than digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Thus
, I believe that they should
be maintained
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay 6. Most adults believe that modern children (5-10 years old) behave worse than those in the past. What action parents should take do you think will have the most positive effect on children to help them behave better like respecting and treating others kin v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts