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Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. v.5

Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. v. 5
Some people believe that travelling within a city by van is better while some other people thinks that the bicycle is a better means. For sure those people have their own reason, whether to choose a car or a bicycle. It is depending on how they trip, for examples: a family, a party, will think to choose a wagon, while a self independent travelling will be better to ride a bicycle. Seen from the environment in a big city, which is crowded with many vehicles, traffic jams, air pollution, and dust, Thus, according to me one hundred percent a convertible will be the best choice, and more effective for a family or a party to trips within the city. For Instances: in one hand, a family trip of eight people with a van, will be much better than travelling by bus. Absolutely, It is a waste of money. While in the other hand, a group of sightseeing by a bus will be a good choice. This is to prevent breathing in the air pollution, and dusty dust during the traffic jams on the road. Therefore, a bus will be more effective for travelling in a community so that people can sit comfortably, even they can sleep if they are tired, and sleepy. Travelling with a bike within the city for self dependent traveller is more effective, because the bicycle is slim. However, it can slip even in a narrow space between cars, and motorcycles or bus if it is on the main road. Despite of it bikes can go through small path, or gangs, even can reach every corner of the city. The conclusion is, in my opinion, some people who believe that travelling within the city by a car is better because they sightseeing in a party or with a family. While some people who believes that travelling by bicycle is a better means because it is suitable for travelling alone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
within a city by van is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
means. For sure those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reason, whether to choose a car or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
. It
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is depending
on how they trip, for examples: a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, a party, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to choose a wagon, while a self independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to ride a bicycle.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Seen
from the environment in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, which
is crowded
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vehicles, traffic jams, air pollution, and dust,
Thus
, according to me one hundred percent a convertible will be the best choice, and more effective for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or a party to trips within the city. For Instances: in one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
trip of eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a van, will be much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by bus.
Absolutely
, It is a waste of money. While in the other hand, a group of sightseeing by a bus will be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice. This is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
breathing in the air pollution, and dusty dust during the traffic jams on the road.
Therefore
, a bus will be more effective for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
in a community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can sit
comfortably
, even they can sleep if they
are tired
, and sleepy.

Travelling with a bike within the city for self dependent
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
is more effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is slim.
However
, it can slip even in a narrow space between cars, and motorcycles or bus if it is on the main road.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
it bikes can go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
path, or gangs, even can reach every corner of the city.

The conclusion is, in my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
within the city by a car is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "they're sightseeing", "they are sightseeing", or "they were sightseeing"?
they sightseeing
Unless you mean "in a political party," the usual preposition for a party is "at." Did you mean, "at a party"?
in a party
or with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "believe"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
alone.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many foods are shipped from far away. Some people think that eating local food is more environmentally and economically. Do you think the advantages outweigh its disadvantages. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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