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6. Most adults believe that modern children (5-10 years old) behave worse than those in the past. What action parents should take do you think will have the most positive effect on children to help them behave better like respecting and treating others kin v.2

6. Most adults believe that modern children (5-10 years old) behave worse than those in the past. What action parents should take do you think will have the most positive effect on children to help them behave better like respecting and treating others kin v. 2
We have to admit that all the three methods offered by the material are to some degree effective on helping children behave better. Yet, from my personal point of view, talking with children more have the best effect, which can be supported by the following aspects. To begin with, more communication encourages children to consciously mind and regularize their behaviors. By talking with kids more, parents guide kids to realize that just like themselves, others also want to be respected and treated kindly and they will feel sad if receiving terrible treatment, too. Therefore, when stay with their peers, kids tend to think about the consequence of their behaviors from others’ angles. In this situation, they will spontaneously avoid bad behaviors and show others their esteem and kindness. Consider about a five-year-old boy, he may sometimes say some terrible words to people, for he just dose not know what feelings that these words can bring to others. Now his father notices this and has some conversations with him. The father asks the boy to try about hearing some bed words. Definitely, the boy gets angry. ‘Bad words will also annoy other people, just like they do to you. ’, Father’s words make the boy realize that he should treat other people with goodness, just like himself wants to be treated with. Hence, the boy finally learn about how to behave well. Besides, having more conversations with kids offers parents more opportunities to teach them good behaviors. Kids are all innocent, they do wrong just because nobody tells them what is right. While talking with children, parents are aware of their thoughts, they can point out what kinds of action is not proper and show them how to behave appropriately. After seeing the samples set by their parents, children will simulate these the next time and finally master how to esteem others as well as treat others kindly. For example, a four-year-old girl likes saying out others weakness loudly. Her original purpose may not be deliberately offend others, she probably believes that this is helping others to improve themselves. Her mother notices this and spends more time having conversation with her. Arguing that directly talking about others drawbacks is impolite, the mother shows the girl how to properly show others their fault with gentle words and help them to correct it. Mother’s right doing makes the girl be aware of her mistakes, so she alters her way to behave better. Of course, limiting kids’ TV programme and monitors them more do have some effects. Yet both of these two methods can only guarantee that children will not gain something bad or do something wrong, but neither of them is able to teach kids what is the right behaviors or lead them learn about how to behave properly. These means, the seconds way is clearly more effective that the others. To summarize, by creating chances for parents to teach children and for children consciously improve their behaviors, talking with children more is obviously the best way from all the three methods.
We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that all the three methods offered by the material are to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree effective on helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
better.
Yet
, from my personal point of view, talking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more have the best effect, which can
be supported
by the following aspects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, more communication encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
consciously
mind and regularize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
. By talking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to realize that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like themselves, others
also
want to
be respected
and treated
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kindly and
they will feel sad if receiving terrible treatment, too.
Therefore
, when stay with their peers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the consequence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
from others’ angles. In this situation, they will
spontaneously
avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
others their esteem and kindness.
Did you mean simply "Consider a"? You do not need the word "about" here.
Consider about a
five-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
, he may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrible words to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, for
Did you mean "the"?
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Did you mean "does" or "doses"?
dose
not know what feelings that these words can bring to others.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
his father notices this and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conversations with him. The father asks the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
to try about hearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bed words. Definitely, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
angry. ‘
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Bad
words will
also
annoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like they do to you. ’, Father’s words
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
realize that he should treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with goodness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like himself wants to
be treated
with.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boy
finally
learn about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
well.

Besides
, having more conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more opportunities to teach them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
are all innocent, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
them what is right. While talking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are aware of their thoughts, they can point out what kinds of action is not proper and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
them how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
appropriately
. After seeing the samples set by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will simulate these the
next
time and
finally
master how to esteem others
as well
as treat others kindly.
For example
, a four-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
girl likes saying out others weakness
loudly
. Her original purpose may not be
deliberately
Consider using a past participle here: "offended".
offend
others, she
probably
believes that this is helping others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves. Her mother notices this and spends more time having conversation with her. Arguing that
directly
talking about others drawbacks is impolite, the mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
the girl how to
properly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
others their fault with gentle words and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to correct it. Mother’s right doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the girl be aware of her mistakes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she alters her way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
better.

Of course
, limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
and monitors them more do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects.
Yet
both of these two methods can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guarantee that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not gain something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
neither of them is able to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
what is the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
or lead them learn about how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behave
properly
. These means, the seconds way is
clearly
more effective that the others.

To summarize
, by creating chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consciously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
, talking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more is
obviously
the best way from all the three methods.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay 6. Most adults believe that modern children (5-10 years old) behave worse than those in the past. What action parents should take do you think will have the most positive effect on children to help them behave better like respecting and treating others kin v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
509 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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