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Some people belive that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, other think that crime is a result of person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinions. v.2

Some people belive that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, other think that crime is a result of person’s nature. v. 2
People have different views regarding the questions why people turn into crime. Many people believe that crime is a consequence of congenital characteristic of individuals while I agree that social issues and poverty is the main reasons for people commit crime. On one hand, it is obvious that inborn characteristic might lead people to commit crime in the future due to some factors. Firstly, Living in a violent family can affect negatively children’s behaviour to becoming cruel people which leads them easily turn to criminals in the future. Since having a harsh time at home, children’s classmate or friends might be bullied constantly at school which helps cruel one enjoying happiness. In addition, bad characteristic and lazier people are more likely to become offenders than normal people. This could be because they only want to achieve what they like instead of working hardly to honestly obtain it. In short, this factors could breed future criminal to society if parents can not find a way to address it. On the other hand, social issues and poverty play a vital role in increasing crime rate in our community. First and foremost, there are many problems of society which push people to become criminal in order to meet their living standard such as low wages, lack of works, unemployment just to name a few. Furthermore, poverty is considered as one of the main reason people tend to commit crime. For example, without being educated, children can not have a bright future and being survive in life, they have to steal food and things from others which is the fastest way to get what they want. In conclusion, Although innate characteristic is responsible for being crime of people it seems to me that the particular causes of crime are social problem and living under the poverty line.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views regarding the questions why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turn into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a consequence of congenital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristic
of individuals while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that social issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is the main reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit crime.

On one hand, it is obvious that inborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristic
might lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors.
Firstly
, Living in a violent family can affect
negatively
children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to becoming cruel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which leads them
easily
turn to criminals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Since having a harsh time at home, children’s classmate or friends might
be bullied
constantly
at school which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
cruel one enjoying happiness.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristic
and lazier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to become offenders than normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to achieve what they like
instead
of working hardly to
honestly
obtain it. In short,
Did you mean "these"?
this
factors could breed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
criminal to society if parents can not find a way to address it.

On the other hand
, social issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
play a vital role in increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in our community.
First
and foremost, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems of society which push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become criminal in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their living standard such as low wages, lack of works, unemployment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name a few.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is considered
as one of the main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, without
being educated
, children can not have a bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and being
Consider using a past participle here: "survived".
survive
in life, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
steal food and things from others which is the fastest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want.

In conclusion
, Although innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristic
is responsible for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it seems to me that the particular causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are social problem and living under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
line.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people belive that crime is a result of social problems and poverty, other think that crime is a result of person’s nature. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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