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Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about the v.5

Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about the v. 5
The young theseday prefer to follow international super stars than to know about well-known historical people in the own country. There are several reasons for this phenomenon but also some straightforward measures we can take to address this issue. There are couple of reasons why younger generation prioritize less their attention on famous people in history than music and movie stars, ranging from education to public commumication. Fisrtly, in term of education, historical subjects seem to be less appearling to student at school. Undeniably, these subjects required student to remember a bundan of events and associated people, making the subject becomes stressfull or overburdended of theory. Secondly, the images of famous historical people seem to apprear less in almost means of public communication. On the ground of maximizing the number of audiences, both newspapers and tv show producers are motivated to making movies or news on burning issues or privated stories of supers stars rather than reputable people from history. Since this issue is serious, the government and related divisions should take steps immediately. One necessary action is that school should enhance the teaching method on historical subjects so that it appears to be attrative to learners. For example, history teachers could apply high-tech devices in presentation the stories of historical famous people in vivid vay rather than wholy base on paper books. Another valuable action is that the government should spend more budget on broadening the images of historical people in public communication. Only by being allocated more spending, could producers on historical movies or shows give birth of attractive chanels to compete with entertainment ones. In conclusion, there are two main causes to the fact that historical famous people are known less by the young than music and film stars, and appropriate actions need to be taken to address this issue.
The young
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theseday
prefer to follow international super
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
than to know about well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country. There are several reasons for this phenomenon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
straightforward measures we can take to address this issue.

There are
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
reasons why younger generation prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
their attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in history than music and movie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, ranging from education to public
Possible spelling mistake found.
commumication
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fisrtly
, in term of education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
seem to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Possible spelling mistake found.
appearling
to student at school.
Undeniably
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
required student to remember a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bundan
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
becomes
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfull
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
overburdended
of theory.
Secondly
, the images of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to
Possible spelling mistake found.
apprear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
in almost means of public communication. On the ground of maximizing the number of audiences, both newspapers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
producers
are motivated
to making movies or news on burning issues or
Possible spelling mistake found.
privated
stories of supers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
rather
than reputable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from history.

Since this issue is serious, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and related divisions should take steps immediately. One necessary action is that school should enhance the teaching method on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it appears to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
attrative
to learners.
For example
, history teachers could apply high-tech devices in presentation the stories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in vivid
Possible spelling mistake found.
vay
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
wholy
base on paper books. Another valuable action is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more budget on broadening the images of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in public communication.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by
being allocated
more spending, could producers on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
movies or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
give birth of attractive
Possible spelling mistake found.
chanels
to compete with entertainment ones.

In conclusion
, there are two main causes to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
by the young than music and film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, and appropriate actions need to
be taken
to address this issue.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young people to gain more knowledge about the v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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