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Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young generation to gain more knowledge about their famous people from history? v.4

Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young generation to gain more knowledge about their famous people from history? v. 4
While some individuals think that our young generation is quite familiar with the international celebrities, their knowledge about the history of their nation is extremely small. The main reason for this phenomenon is that they find historical facts boring and a mere wastage of time. The possible way to create their interest is by the presentation of such things in an interesting way and more beautifully. To commence with, the major cause of this process is the boredom associated with the learning of history, and furthermore, their perspective of considering it as not useful. Since from the beginning of the school life, teachers also do not take so much interest in teaching the past of famous people, and even they put emphasis on rote learning, therefore children might consider themselves unfit for studying social science. In India, for instance, teaching system is based on the theoretical concepts and no practical knowledge is provided to the students, which in turn, has lead to the lesser interest of the younger children towards the history. This way teaching methods are responsible for the poor condition of this subject. There are several ways to alleviate this problem. First of all, the teaching methods should be modified and more practical methods should be adopted to enhance the inclination of pupils towards the history of their own country rather than focusing on the multinational celebs. If students are motivated to learn about the struggle of great freedom fighters and persons involved in making the constitution of the nation, then it will ultimately inclined them in order to take inspiration from them instead of avoiding their biographies. For example, educational institutes can organise tours of the national museums of arts and history where they will get plenty of evidence regarding the previous conditions of the nation. To elucidate, modification in the way of teaching can help to stimulate the growth of history related aspects. In conclusion, although a vast majority of people consider that children are keen to gather information of pop and movie stars, and they have little interest in history of celebrities in their own country. This essay discussed the reasons for the current situation which includes the boring teaching methods and possible solution to rectify this process.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that our young generation is quite familiar with the international celebrities, their knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their nation is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
. The main reason for this phenomenon is that they find historical facts boring and a mere wastage of time. The possible way to create their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is by the presentation of such things
Consider replacing "in an interesting way" with the adverb for "interesting"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an interesting way
and more
beautifully
.

To commence with, the major cause of this process is the boredom associated with the learning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, and
furthermore
, their perspective of considering it as not useful. Since from the beginning of the school life, teachers
also
do not take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
the past of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and even they put emphasis on rote learning,
therefore
children might consider themselves unfit for studying social science. In India,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
system
is based
on the theoretical concepts and no practical knowledge
is provided
to the students, which in turn, has lead to the lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
of the younger children towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. This way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are responsible for the poor condition of this subject.

There are several ways to alleviate this problem.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
should
be modified
and more practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
should
be adopted
to enhance the inclination of pupils towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country
rather
than focusing on the multinational celebs. If students
are motivated
to learn about the struggle of great freedom fighters and persons involved in making the constitution of the nation, then it will
ultimately
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "incline"
inclined
them in order to take inspiration from them
instead
of avoiding their biographies.
For example
, educational institutes can
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
tours of the national museums of arts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
where they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence regarding the previous conditions of the nation. To elucidate, modification in the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to stimulate the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
related aspects.

In conclusion
, although a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that children are keen to gather information of pop and movie stars, and they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of celebrities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country. This essay discussed the reasons for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation which includes the boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
and possible solution to rectify this process.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that young people know about international pop and movie stars but know very less about famous people from the history in their own country. Why is this? How can more interest be created in young generation to gain more knowledge about their famous people from history? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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