Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. v. 1
Balancing professional and family life is a daunting task for most females. It is often argued by some that women should spend time at home grooming their young ones. Meanwhile, others are of the view that ladies should pursue careers. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument before reaching a logical opinion. On the one hand, the advocates of the view that women should give time to their children rather than working believe that minors need attention of their mothers. As without proper guidance children may face personality problems in future. This fact can be better explained by the example of a report published by Psychologists Society of the USA, which argues that off springs of working women are more prone to psychological illnesses. Hence, females should spend more time at home. On the other hand, the supporters of the idea that ladies should do jobs believe that women have a right to continue their careers even after marriage. As in this way their education and expertise would not be wasted. Take the example of Sri Lanka, where more than fifty percent of the highly educated females leave their employment after having children and money spent on their education brings no benefit to the country. Thus, ladies should work to contribute to the society. However, I believe that females should take care of their children as well as they can also work part-time. In this way they can groom their young ones and also benefit the society from their education and talent. To sum-up, women should spend time with their families and also adopt a career depending on the availability of time to contribute to both the family and the society.
Balancing professional and family life is a daunting task for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home grooming their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Meanwhile, others are of the view that ladies should pursue careers. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a logical opinion.

On the one hand, the advocates of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than working believe that minors need attention of their mothers.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
without proper guidance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may face personality problems
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. This fact can be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the example of a report published by Psychologists Society of the USA, which argues that off springs of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more prone to psychological illnesses.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

On the other hand
, the supporters of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that ladies should do jobs believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a right to continue their careers even after marriage. As in this way their education and expertise would not
be wasted
. Take the example of Sri Lanka, where more than fifty percent of the
highly
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their employment after having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and money spent on their education brings no benefit to the country.
Thus
, ladies should work to contribute to the society.

However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
should take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as well
as they can
also
work part-time. In this way they can groom their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and
also
benefit the society from their education and talent.

To sum-up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families and
also
adopt a career depending on the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to contribute to both the family and the society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts