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Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. v. 6
It is a controversial issue as to whether women take part in military force like men, or, whether they are, totally, unfit for these sorts of jobs. From my perspective, it depends on women whether they want to join with police or not and participating in military forces such as navy and air forces, women are playing an essential role for the country. To begin with, both male and female should work together to achieve the target of a country, so that joining an army has become crucial for women these days. Men alone cannot provide protection to the country. For example, in an armed force, in the USA, the government selects both genders equally, as if they would be able to look after each other at the time of need. This is because when men are on the front side of their enemy, it is likely to get injured by the explosion from offenders. However, if women armed force stay at back and look after the wounded soldiers, it would provide a greater amount of help to the military forces. Thus, female police officers are not only increasing the menace to their enemy by large forces but also helping their male counterparts. In contrast, the majority of people advocate that females do not fit in jobs such as in army, air force, in navy, et Cetra. The reason is that they are vulnerable physically and physically unfit to handle cartridges, guns, pistols, and other equipment. In fact, if women want to handle all these as men do in their work, they can surely, execute all physic-related activities. Willpower is pivotal of a woman to do such tasks. By the strength, courage, and challenge of strong will, women decide on their sectors, whether they would like to participate or not. Thus, becoming part of the military force is, itself, a challenge for women, and quite suitable for women and quite suitable for women as well as men. In conclusion, although people believe that military works are incongruous for women, some people are, completely, preposterous with the statement saying women are contributing in police forces working together with men. In my opinion, the latter statement is just and it relies on women's will of participating on such activities.
It is a controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, or, whether they are,
totally
, unfit for these sorts of jobs. From my perspective, it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
whether they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
with police or not and participating in military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
such as navy and air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are playing an essential role for the country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, both male and female should work together to achieve the target of a country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that joining an army has become crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
alone cannot provide protection to the country.
For example
, in an armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
, in the USA, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
selects both genders
equally
, as if they would be able to look after each other at the time of need. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are on the front side of their enemy, it is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
injured by the explosion from offenders.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
stay at back and look after the wounded soldiers, it would provide a greater amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
.
Thus
, female police officers are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increasing the menace to their enemy by large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
helping their male counterparts.

In contrast
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocate that females do not fit in jobs such as in army, air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
, in navy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
. The reason is that they are vulnerable
physically
and
physically
unfit to handle cartridges, guns, pistols, and other equipment. In fact, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
want to handle all these as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do in their work, they can
surely
, execute all physic-related activities. Willpower is pivotal of a woman to do such tasks. By the strength, courage, and challenge of strong will,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
decide on their sectors, whether they would like to participate or not.
Thus
, becoming part of the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
is, itself, a challenge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, and quite suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and quite suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that military works are incongruous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are, completely, preposterous with the statement saying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are contributing in police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
working together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. In my opinion, the latter statement is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
and it relies on women's will of participating on such activities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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