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Some people believe that women should play an equal role as mean in a country s police force or military force such as the army while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as mean in a country s police force or military force such as the army while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs 1
In today’s cosmopolitan world, it is very difficult to find any big city without an immigrant in it. Now-a-days people travel more than they ever did in the past. It is very important for the humans to adapt the culture of the new city. To do so, the government can do several things. To begin with, government can make a rule of teaching history and culture of different countries of the world not just the home country in their schools. From this, students can get to know about the history and culture of different countries. However, it can also help students get along with the other students who are here to study from different countries. Canada is the biggest example, as the most diverse country where people from different countries lives together harmoniously because they understand the cultural backgrounds of each other. Usually it is not possible to learn about the history of each country, but even if we learn about the culture of one country it can open our minds and makes us more tolerant. Furthermore, when a person travel to different countries to get settle down there, the host government should offer them free language and culture classes. So that, immigrants can live there without any difficulty and can able to make a friend circle which will help them no to feel homesick. As well as, they will be able to integrate easily and comfortably without losing their own identity. Also, it will help them to find jobs in a new country. Finally, government should make some strict laws for the immigrants to protect them from the aggression, violation and from terrible attitudes of some people, at least, they feel safe in a new country. For instance, there is a special law for racism in Canada to stop the discrimination based on the race known as Anti-racism Act 2017. By doing such things, the host country can show the immigrants that they are civilized and care about them. In conclusion, understanding others is the key of living harmoniously. But government should play an essential role to protect people from those who cannot behave responsibly.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s cosmopolitan world, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to find any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city without an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrant
in it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
-a-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel more than they ever did in the past. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the humans to adapt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of the new city. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can do several things.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of teaching history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the world not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in their schools. From this, students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with the other students who are here to study from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Canada is the biggest example, as the most diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
together
harmoniously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand the cultural backgrounds of each other.
Usually
it is not possible to learn about the history of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even if we learn about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
it can open our minds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us more tolerant.

Furthermore
, when a person travel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settle down there, the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should offer them free language and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
classes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there without any difficulty and
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a friend circle which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
to feel homesick.
As well
as, they will be able to integrate
easily
and
comfortably
without losing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity.
Also
, it will
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
jobs in a new country.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict laws for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to protect them from the aggression, violation and from terrible attitudes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, at least, they feel safe in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, there is a special law for racism in Canada to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the discrimination based on the race known as Anti-racism Act 2017. By doing such things, the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
that they
are civilized
and care about them.

In conclusion
, understanding others is the key of living
harmoniously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should play an essential role to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from those who cannot behave
responsibly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should play an equal role as mean in a country s police force or military force such as the army while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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