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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v.13

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 13
Some children receive a lot of toys from their parents. This development can be advantageous to children as it makes them happy and allows them to share their toys with others, however, it also has some drawbacks. On the one hand, there are multiple advantages to children receiving many toys. Firstly, it makes them happy since many children become sad and lonely due to their parents working for long hours. However, if they have a lot of toys, it makes them happier and gives them something to do while their parents are away. Secondly, children who have a lot of toys can share them with their peers since they have many and, therefore, are not attached to them. Furthermore, they might even give some of their toys to other children since they would not miss them. On the other hand, one drawback of having a lot of toys is that it can make children greedy and materialistic. As a result, they turn into self-centred individuals who always want to acquire more objects and never feel satisfied. For instance, they would pester their parents to buy them new toys even if their parents do not have money. Another issue is that children who get a lot of toys might not value them. Young children do not understand that toys are bought with money and that money must be earned and, consequently, they break their toys since they are not valuable to them. Due to this, children can become irresponsible adults who overspend since they were not taught the importance of money when they were young. In conclusion, although possessing a large number of toys has its benefits for children, it can also be detrimental as it spoils them and never teaches them the value of money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This development can be advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
with others,
however
, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are multiple advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Firstly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happy since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become sad and lonely due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working for long hours.
However
, if they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happier and gives them something to do while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are away.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can share them with their peers since they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and,
therefore
, are not attached to them.
Furthermore
, they might even give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
since they would not miss them.

On the other hand
, one drawback of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is that it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
greedy and materialistic.
As a result
, they turn into
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always want to acquire more objects and never feel satisfied.
For instance
, they would pester their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
even if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Another issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
might not value them. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be earned
and,
consequently
, they break their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
since they are not valuable to them. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can become irresponsible adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
overspend since they were not taught the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they were young.

In conclusion
, although possessing
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
has its benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it can
also
be detrimental as it spoils them and never teaches them the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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