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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? v.9

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 9
People used to go shopping only because of a daily needs, while recently it changes to be a kind of hobbies for people. Some state that shopping is an activity which can reduce boredom, thus it is great for people to do so. I personally believe that going shopping is not only for spending money, but you can find some benefits by doing this kind of activities. Therefore, through this essay, I will support my view with some considerations. The first idea is that people love shopping because it can refresh their minds. By going shopping round you will be able to forget the things which burden you. For instance, young adults prefer to do the shopping after having the final examination. They will try to entertain themselves by buying something which is interesting and they will obtain a satisfaction at the time. As a consequently, they directly forget about the difficulties encountered during the exam. In addition, going shopping is not only the case of buying something such as clothes, bags or even accessories. Shopping also means amusement in which people visit some shopping places to gather with family or friends. They just tend to spend their time in the lovely places which provide a lot of entertainments, thus they can enjoy their leisure time with full of joy and fun. To sum up, go shopping could be a bad habit that can addict people to do so. However, Shopping is a great hobby which can help people overcoming their stress or even anxiety. It occurs because doing shopping will make them more relax and forget about their problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a daily needs, while recently it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to be a kind of hobbies for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is an activity which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
boredom,
thus
it is great for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. I
personally
believe that going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for spending money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits by doing this kind of activities.
Therefore
, through this essay, I will support my view with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations.

The
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can refresh their minds. By going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
round you will be able to forget the things which burden you.
For instance
, young adults prefer to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
after having the final examination. They will try to entertain themselves by buying something which is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interesting and
they will obtain a satisfaction at the time. As a
consequently
, they
directly
forget about the difficulties encountered during the exam.

In addition
, going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the case of buying something such as clothes, bags or even accessories.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
also
means amusement in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
places to gather with family or friends. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
tend to spend their time in the lovely places which provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
entertainments,
thus
they can enjoy their leisure time with full of joy and fun.

To sum up, go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit that can addict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is a great hobby which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
overcoming their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or even anxiety. It occurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more relax and forget about their problems.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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