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in some countries it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age is this a positive or negative development? v.1

in some countries it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
In general, a company requires experienced, hard_working and enthusiastic adults. However, in a few areas around the world, companies are not allowed to refuse employees based on their age. Despite the fact, I think this is a negative development because work vacancies should be given to adults as well as elderly shall be retired and relax for the rest of their lives. First and foremost l, these industries needs skilled, energetic and smart people to work with them. Who might encourage to the daily growth in the required field, which is only possible if you have workers without limitation in their capacities. For instance, being a representative is merely suitable for the age group of twentieth. Otherwise, the job’s responsibilities cannot be fulfilled. As a result, companies ought to fill job vacancies with deserved applicants. Furthermore, when a job is given to an old worker, they will need more rest during the period of their duty as elderly might have some health related issues that require regular breaks. Hypertension, for example, is one of the common heart diseases among aged people. Consequently, it will be much better if older ages could spend the remaining of their lives relaxing, improving their health and exercising. In conclusion, although in some part around the world industries are not permitted in rejecting employees depending merely on their ages. I strongly believe that this is a negative development and elderly need more rest. On the other hand, filling job offers with young and motivated applicants has a positive effect in the growth of the company.
In general
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
requires
"requires experienced" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "experiencing" or "to be experienced".
experienced
,
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'hard _ working' is correct.
hard_working
and enthusiastic adults.
However
, in a few areas around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to refuse employees based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Despite the fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
work vacancies should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to adults
as well
as elderly shall
be retired
and relax for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

First
and foremost l, these industries needs skilled, energetic and smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work with them. Who might encourage to the daily growth in the required field, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if you have workers without limitation in their capacities.
For instance
, being a representative is
merely
suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of twentieth.
Otherwise
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job’s
responsibilities cannot
be fulfilled
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
ought to fill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies with deserved applicants.

Furthermore
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
worker, they will need more rest during the period of their duty as elderly might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health related issues that require regular breaks. Hypertension,
for example
, is one of the common heart diseases among aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Consequently
, it will be much better if older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
could spend the remaining of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
relaxing, improving their health and exercising.

In conclusion
, although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part around the world industries are not permitted in rejecting employees depending
merely
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. I
strongly
believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and elderly need more rest.
On the other hand
, filling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers with young and motivated applicants has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect in the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay in some countries it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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