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Some people believe that watching television is bad for children. Other people believe that watching television is educational for children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer. v.2

Some people believe that watching television is bad for children. Other people believe that watching television is educational for children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer. v. 2
Television is rapidly gaining its popularity among youngsters. Some people consider that children should watch television as it is a source of education, whereas others tend to oppose this idea and believe watching television can have detrimental effects on the children. I firmly agree with the former statement but will discuss both viewpoints in detail. On the one side, people consider it is a good idea for children to watch television because it helps them to gain insight of the wildlife and technological Innovations. In other words, TV shows such as National Geography and BBC earth are solely designed to educate people about the life of rare animal and bird species on earth, which otherwise would be a hidden mystery. Thus, children who watch such programmes can help us saving natural flora and fauna. Likewise, Discovery channel broadcasts all about the latest technology gadgets and innovations, so that kids can make use of such tools in their normal life to make it better. Additionally, Television being a source of entertainment engages children to spend most of their time watching cartoons and comedy series, which is way better than sitting ideal. On the other hand, there are several reasons which make people feel that Television is bad for the children. Firstly, its excessive use can lead to several diseases. That is to say, the children, who are addicted to playing video games on TV, does not like outdoor games and therefore they spend most of their time in front of the screen, which eventually leads to problems like improper eyesight, weak immune system and obesity. Secondly, Children due to lack of judgement and age experience, show violent behaviour in real life, after watching action movies on TV. To exemplify, according to The Times, in 2018, a 17-year-old boy, killed his classmate for not helping him with the homework. On further investigation, the boy accepted that he was trying to imitate the scene of the movie The Enemy. To conclude, although watching television has bad effects on children’s health and mind. However, I believe the education and information learned from it is invaluable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is
rapidly
gaining its popularity among youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
as it is a source of education, whereas others tend to oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can have detrimental effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will discuss both viewpoints in detail.

On the one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to gain insight of the wildlife and technological Innovations.
In other words
, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
such as National Geography and BBC earth are
solely
designed to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the life of rare animal and bird species on earth, which
otherwise
would be a hidden mystery.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
The verb 'such' is used with an infinitive: "to save" or "save".
saving
natural flora and fauna.
Likewise
, Discovery channel broadcasts all about the latest technology gadgets and innovations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that kids can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such tools in their normal life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it better.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
being a source of entertainment engages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend most of their time watching cartoons and comedy series, which is way better than sitting ideal.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, its excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can lead to several diseases.
That is
to say, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who
are addicted
to playing video games on TV, does not like outdoor games and
therefore
they spend most of their time in front of the screen, which
eventually
leads to problems like improper eyesight, weak immune system and obesity.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
due to lack of judgement and age experience,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in real life, after watching action movies on TV. To exemplify, according to The Times, in 2018, a 17-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy, killed his classmate for not helping him with the homework. On
further
investigation, the boy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that he was trying to imitate the scene of the movie The Enemy.

To conclude
, although watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health and mind.
However
, I believe the education and information learned from it is invaluable.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that watching television is bad for children. Other people believe that watching television is educational for children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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