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Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.3

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. 3
Recently, the discuss on the way to promote exercise has become heated. Some people believe that watching the big event might be the best way while the others don't. I think both of the view are all reasonable while I am more all for the second viewpoint. Firstly, in terms of the big events, the engagement is undeniable while the persistence might be a bit hard to applaud. For instance, events like the Olympic, can engage people in sports, help people to have the interest in sports implicitly, which can encourage people to do exercise spontaneously. However, as most of the sports like running and swimming are strenuous, it might be tough for the adults, especially those who hardly work before, to form a habit to do it regularly. Therefore, they might be hard to persist even they are attracted by the big events. Secondly, there are more attractive way to get people to exercise nowadays. For example, the FIFA football games and the Tokyo Olympic games from the game company Nitendo, these games help combine doing sports with playing video games. As most adults might need to work for a long time, they might prefer some leisure events after work. As a result, doing sports on purpose might be too big for them, doing sports while playing games might be more attractive when it comes to relax. As a result, the might intend to work out everyday subconsciously, which can help them to exercise regularly in a more effective way. In conclusion, watching big events might only attractive people to sports, cannot make sure people to exercise regularly, while some video games might help people to get more interest in workout and play it more often, I assert that watching big events might not be the best way to encourage people to keep fit regularly, in order to promote sports, we might try to think of other ways which can be more relaxing for adults.
Recently,
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'discuss' is correct. If 'discuss' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the discuss
on the way to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
has become heated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe that watching the
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big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be the best way while the others don't. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both of the view are all reasonable while I am more all for the second viewpoint.

Firstly
, in terms of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, the engagement is undeniable while the persistence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a bit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to applaud.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Olympic, can engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
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help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have the interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
implicitly
, which can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
spontaneously
.
However
, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like running and swimming are strenuous, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be tough for the adults,
especially
those who hardly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, to form a habit to do it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
.
Therefore
, they
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might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to persist even they
are attracted
by the
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big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Secondly
, there are more attractive way to
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get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
nowadays.
For example
, the FIFA football
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games
and the Tokyo Olympic
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games
from the game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nitendo
, these
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games
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help
combine doing
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sports
with playing video
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games
. As most adults
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might
need to
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work
for a long time, they
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might
prefer
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some
leisure
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events
after
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work
.
As a result
, doing
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sports
on purpose
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might
be too
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big
for them, doing
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sports
while playing
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games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be more attractive when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to relax.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
As
a result, the
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might
intend to
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work
out
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
subconsciously
, which can
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help
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
in a more effective way.

In conclusion
, watching
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big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attractive
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people
to
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sports
, cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more interest in workout and play it more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, I assert that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be the best way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
, in order to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of other ways which can be more relaxing for adults.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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