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Governments should focus spending only on public services, not waste on the arts. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Governments should focus spending only on public services, not waste on the arts. v. 1
People believe that it is necessary for governments to focus investing money in public services rather than waste on the arts. In my opinion, I disagree with that, I think that authorities should focus spending money on both public services and the arts. On the one hand, governments had better spend a large amount of their budget on public services. Firstly, public services are the things such as hospitals, schools, roads, … which significantly impact on people’s quality of life. For instance, unless governments focus investing enough money for hospitals, the health of citizens will become worse, and more and more people can die of diseases. Other example is that if schools are not spent enough money for, children will not be fully educated that leads to their lack of knowledge and culture in the future. Similarly, if roads are not invested enough money, people will be difficult and dangerous in traffic because of traffic jams, accidents, rough surface of roads, … On the other hand, government should not completely neglect the arts. Firstly, unless there is governments’ support, art structures will fall into the danger of closing, and many arts institutions could not earn much profits. Secondly, when governments invest money in the arts, the arts can attract many tourists that results in tourism industry development. For example, in Vietnam, government spent a part of budget on preserving historical sites such as Hung Pagoda, the old quarter, … and supporting money for building art structures as museums, theaters, entertainment parks, … so that there are many people go to visit. Thirdly, many people get pleasure and entertain and relax when they go to the arts. To sum up, I think government should note investing money not only in public services but also in the arts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to focus investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
rather
than waste on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In my opinion, I disagree with that, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that authorities should focus spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and the arts.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
had better spend a large amount of their budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are the things such as hospitals, schools, roads, … which
significantly
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
quality of life.
For instance
, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
focus investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for hospitals, the health of citizens will become worse, and more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of diseases. Other example is that if schools are not spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for, children will not be
fully
educated that leads to their lack of knowledge and culture in the future.
Similarly
, if roads are not invested
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be difficult and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
in traffic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of traffic jams, accidents, rough surface of roads, …

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not completely neglect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Firstly
, unless there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments’
support,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
structures will fall into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of closing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
institutions could not earn
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
profits.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists that results in tourism industry development.
For example
, in Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spent a part of budget on preserving historical sites such as Hung Pagoda, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
quarter, … and supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
structures as museums, theaters, entertainment parks, …
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to visit.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure and entertain and relax when they go to the arts.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should note investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should focus spending only on public services, not waste on the arts. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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