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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.10

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 10
Recently, there are so many events or festivals around the world. While some people participate in them after understanding their interpretation, others are just delighted without comprehension. I think that people are forgetful the meaning and focus on pleasure. There are certainly some festivals which excite after understanding explanation. For instance, people celebrate Setsubun which is a festival of Japan and means division of the season. People throw soybeans for inviting good luck and driving out bad luck at home. This event’s meaning is known by everyone from children to adults because most people experienced it at the kindergarten. But some events which came to Japan recently have forgotten the meaning. Some religious and traditional events have become things for pleasure. In Japan, for example, Japanese have celebrated Halloween lately. Most people know disguising but do not know why to celebrate. Therefore, young people disguise themselves as cartoon characters, doctor or police and make the noise at downtown. In addition, there is some problem such as making the town dirt or breaking things in the town. Moreover, they celebrate Christmas, but they just spend time with friends, family or a lover and do not go to a church. They exchange presents and eat a cake. In case of Japan, people tend to admire foreign events and research them on the website. At that time, they placed emphasis not on definition but on acting. Thus, the enjoyment is their primary goal. In conclusion, although people enjoy festivals after understanding definition, I believe that most people enjoy without understanding it. They have to celebrate after interpreting events’ sense.
Recently, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
around the world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in them after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
their interpretation, others are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
delighted without comprehension. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forgetful the meaning and focus on pleasure.

There are
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
which excite after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
explanation.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
Possible spelling mistake found.
Setsubun
which is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and means division of the season.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
throw soybeans for inviting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
luck and driving out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
luck at home. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event’s
meaning
is known
by everyone from children to adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
experienced it at the kindergarten.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which came to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
recently have forgotten the meaning.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
religious and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have become things for pleasure. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
,
for example
, Japanese have celebrated Halloween lately. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know disguising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not know why to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
.
Therefore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disguise themselves as cartoon characters, doctor or police and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the noise at downtown.
In addition
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem such as making the town dirt or breaking things in the town.
Moreover
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
Christmas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spend time with friends, family or a lover and do not go to a church. They exchange presents and eat a cake. In case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to admire foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and research them on the website. At that time, they placed emphasis not on definition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on acting.
Thus
, the enjoyment is their primary goal.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
definition, I believe that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
understanding
it. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrate
after interpreting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events’
sense.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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